I See, I See (Judy/Stryker)

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

Judy was much more pleased now, and assumed a more relaxed posture. She hadn't even noticed herself slowly tensing up until she relaxed.

"I'm glad to hear you never hurt anyone. I wish I could say the same of myself," Judy commented, alluding to events that took place while she was quite drunk, and before Sven was born.

"Do you know any tricks you can use when you want to break something or someone?"

[stryker aune]

[Judy's office]

The bodybuilder shook his head when Judy asked him if he has coping mechanisms to help him with dealing with his anger.

"No."

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

It seemed for a moment that perhaps this was going to be simpler than Judy had anticipated. Teaching him anger management techniques, like she herself learned not too long ago, could resolve it.

Well, that was the problem. There was more to it than anger management, and Judy needed a thorough psychological profile. She needed to dig a little deeper.

"We're going to have to build an anger management routine that works for you, in that case," Judy explained calmly. "I know it sounds cliché, but it works. I use one myself, and it's done wonders for me."

She paused, sipped her coffee, and then looked back at Sven.
"To do that, I'll need to hear more about you, starting with where you came from. So, to start us off, when did you start bodybuilding?"

[stryker aune]

[Judy's Office]

Sven's heart began to pound in his chest. He didn't like sharing intimate information about himself. He was terrified of being judged. But if he wanted this session to be over he would have to comply. No body really understood his reasons for bodybuilding. And most didn't understand the sport in general. But she was asking him what drove him into it into the first place.

"I was beaten to an inch of my life, and I decided that I would never let that happen again."

He knew she was going to press in and ask for more details, but this was how he was going to open. He hated this memory, and he was ashamed of it. Being weak, and different.

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

Judy looked at the massive man in front of her. As he spoke, she came to see a younger, less muscular man. That, perhaps, was the Sven she needed to understand - not the imposing bodybuilder, but what came before.

She still had to get him to open up to get there, and a show of compassion could help.

"If you don't want to talk about that, that's okay," she said, trying to sound soothing.

[stryker aune]

[Judy's office]

Sven never really talked about this before. Not with anyone. His heart pounded in his chest.

"I was- I was 15. Scrawny underweight." he shifted gears suddenly, "I was born premature, really premature and I think that had something to do with it. But I was 15, and.. .

He seemed to be waging an internal war. Should he share? Sharing in the past landed him in an ICU.

"One night when I was walking back from school from a function I was jumped by some of the guys on the football team. I remember being thrown against a wall. I hit my head. Next thing I knew I was on the ground getting kicked, and stomped as the football team took their agression out on me. I was found later and taken to ICU, and spent a week in a coma. I decided then that I would never let that happen to me again."

He figeted with his fingers.

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

Judy was very thankful for her excellent poker face right now. Inside, she was having an "a-ha" moment, as she realized that this beating-up incident was the reason for Sven's dysfunction. Outside, however, she projected a sympathetic, "I feel your pain" sort of vibe.

"I see, I see," Judy said, nodding. She extended a supportive hand to her patient. He could thus continue to share, in a safe environment, on his terms.

[stryker aune]

[Judy's Office]

Sven continued, "And. And what made matters worse was earlier that day I shared my feelings with one of they guys that jumped me."

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

Judy brushed her left hand against her temple in thought, while continuing to offer her right.

"That's vile, truly. Absolutely reprehensible," Judy remarked.

She could tell that she was finally making headway by not asking questions. She'd thus invited Sven to talk to her, and he seemed to finally be talking. She set aside her clipboard and glasses, to emphasize the personal and confidential nature of the session, and looked at Sven, ready for him to go on.

[stryker aune]

[Judy's Office]

Sven didn't really know what to do with the offered hand, though he understood the gesture. He continued to share.

"I don't trust people. And I feel like I can't really relate to them."

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

Judy set the hand down at about the middle of the coffee table, having made the point. She also resumed questioning, now that it was adequately clear that she wasn't a lawyer cross-examining him.

"Did you always feel that way?" she asked.

[stryker aune]

[Judy's Office]

Sven looked at his worn and calloused hands. Years of time in the gym created them, and in a way they were an extension of his personality. He flexed his fingers.

"I don't think so."

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

Judy glanced briefly at her own hands. There were calluses here too, though smaller ones - the result of four decades spent playing guitar.

She nodded to Sven as he spoke, acknowledging what he says and understanding fully where his mistrust of people came from. It came from trauma.

"There's no easy way to say what I'm about to say, Sven," Judy said. "There is a possibility that you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."

[stryker aune]

[Judy's Office]

Sven looked up at her, surprised.

"PTSD? I don't understand. I mean I know what it is, but why would I have that?"

[Judith Eastman]

[Judy's Office]

Judy gave Sven a meaningful look, like a mother to a child in some regard.

"It's from the time you were attacked, if my conjecture is correct," she explained. "Consciously or subconsciously, events like that can traumatize us, and they can have far-reaching effects. PTSD can come from any time when your life is in danger."

She put her reading glasses back on, then looked at Sven. She was going to do this at his pace, rather than throwing the questionnaire at him right away.