Author Topic: Personal Log- T'Lara  (Read 968 times)

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Offline T'Lara

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Personal Log- T'Lara
« on: May 07, 2016, 09:14:29 pm »
*Computer, begin log*

I have been reassigned once more. This time to the USS Discovery. Looking at the crew roster I see many familiar names. Although it has become easier to become acquainted with other non-Vulcans over the years, it is still a comfort to know that I will not have to establish relationships with an entirely new group of people, as I have had to do in the past.

I am eager for the ship to launch, as I prefer not to remain idle, and I have no personal research projects at the moment with which to occupy my time. My martial arts training has been beneficial, and lately I have been wondering whether to tell anyone about my sessions. The methods are Vulcan, and I have always been taught never to reveal them to off-worlders. However, it would be acceptable to have a partner that will be a bit less predictable than a holographic opponent, and I would assume that there are at least a few crewmembers who would like to learn. I shall give more thought to this matter and will update accordingly. That is all for now.

*Computer, end log* 


"Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic."

Offline T'Lara

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Re: Personal Log- T'Lara
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2020, 12:07:40 am »
Computer, begin recording

Personal log, Stardate 75399.75...it has been a long while since I have recorded a personal log, however I believe recent events provide cause to do so. It has been approximately three years since I left Starfleet for the third time, and it appears that I cannot help but return. I have made three attempts at achieving kolinahr in that time...and failed each one. I am beginning to believe I will never achieve the full discipline, unless I remain on Vulcan and never return to Starfleet.

*T'Lara sits cross-legged on the floor and steeples her hands*

It is a decision I may not have to make quickly, as I do not intend to devote my entire life to the service at present. There is also a further reason to remain in Starfleet. I have been promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Commander, and now hold the position of Executive Officer on the starship USS Discovery. My father, being human and a starfleet admiral, has conveyed his excitement at the news. My brother has only sent his condolences that I will not be on Vulcan to aid him in his research. His response only reminds me of my mother.

*the image of T'Rena's body wrapped in cloth flashes through her consciousness, causing her to flinch*

I know that I have pleased my father and that I am where I should be in regards to my career, but the fact that I was not there to receive my mother's katra inflicts a pain that is difficult to control. I decided long ago that I would strive to create a balance between my Vulcan and human personalities, but as of late it has been nearly as difficult as if I had taken my mother's katra. My emotions threaten to brim to the surface constantly and they show themselves occasionally, but not within my control. This is not acceptable. Therefore, during my last visit to Vulcan I made the decision to maintain the Vulcan mindset. I understand that I may not achieve Kolinahr until I return to Vulcan. To peace.

*she bows her head as if in prayer*

But I cannot let a lack of control persist. I must let go of the memory of my mother's death and the regret I feel as a result of it. Because this feeling is compromising my control, I cannot allow it if I am to continue to be in a command position. The balance is no more. I am aware this will change my interactions with my crew and it may affect any established relationships I have. James Hawke, William Waring, Kirok...if they are ever to return. Kirok will understand.

*her mind recalls pleasant memories and cycles through them, causing a smile to creep onto her lips*

Emotions are volatile, especially in Vulcans. The brief happiness I feel at these memories is like ecstasy that would consume me if I let it continue.

*the smile disappears and her eyes close as she regains her composure*

I shall return to my meditation in order to allow ample time to complete before my shift begins. I believe updates of this manner would be useful and will endeavor to continue them.

Computer end log


"Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic."

 

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