Crewwoman Jada Nozama, Personal Log
Stardate: <automatic input>
Ordinary shift. Ordinary day.
...I think I <bleep>ed up. Fraternising with the enemy, abandoning a mission for personal affairs, I suppose you'd call it. <Bleep> Starfleet wants its people to be honest and responsible. They actually expect us to own up to our mistakes and misbehaviour, even if we don't have to. Weird. It's like doing what you want, profiting off it, and getting away with it isn't a virtue in the Federation.
No one knows what I did. Okay, maybe they suspect, but wouldn't dare raise it. And they can't prove it. I can get away with it.
But I know. So, you can never completely get away with it. I can't deceive myself. And right now, I love myself and need to do right by me. I failed myself, I owe myself. I feel... what do humans call it? Oh, yeah, guilty. Really weird.
I want to do this Starfleet thing right. Not just for them, or the clan, but for me. Ever since I was attacked by the gisjacheh shadow-cat, I've always been watching my own back. Pushing myself to do better.
I think I should report myself to Hawk. But then I think I can call it a pheromone feedback overdose or something; I can probably get excused on medical reasons. Or maybe he'll be too shocked to let it go further. Who wants to know about someone having sex with their alternate? I wouldn't, and I did it... And I'm right back to getting away with it. Or maybe I just own up to it, be all honest and responsible like Starfleet wants, show myself to be a good Starfleet girl. I'd earn some good social credit, with them and me. And I'm back to profiting off it.
I want to do the right thing. Only I have two different right things and can't tell the difference.
Well, I really screwed myself.
End log.
Delete.
[XO's Office]Jada spent ages stalking around the ship, trying to work up the nerve to speak to Hawk. She even wondered if she ought to speak with a counsellor first, but she still didn't really understand the point of them. She knew her own mind, better than anyone, and didn't know what else a counsellor could tell her. No, she'd transgressed the terms of her service to Starfleet, and she felt increasingly obliged to report it, whatever its nature and consequences. Oh, she could bury it, she could get away with it, but she'd always have doubts and regrets. It would hunt her like a shadow-cat until she turned and confronted it.
At last, she presented herself to Hawk's new office – he was XO now, but it had been on his watch she'd messed up. Stepping in, she greeted formally, and rather stiffly as she restrained her tension and anxiety,
'Commander Hawk. I have the final report on the transporter security protocol upgrades.' That was her excuse in case she turned coward at the last moment; the patches and upgrades following not one, but two illicit transports through the
Tempest's shields had been extensive and detailed.
But Jada hesitated, then she said it.
'Sir, about the rescue mission to the Mirror Tempest...' she began uncertainly, shuddering
'I need to report myself for dereliction of duty, abandoning a mission, and fraternising with the enemy.' She bowed in shame, crossing her wrists left over right in defeat.