Personal Log - Jada

[Jada]

I have to keep a personal log too?!

Crewwoman Jada Nozama, Personal Log

Stardate: Whatever.

Scrapped with Tzenkethi. Fixed the phasers. All good. EndÁ¢â,¬"œ

Oh, Hawk invited me to the Bridge to watch. He seems impressed. Or maybe he wants a green bridge bunny? I'm never sure, but I'm not bunny material. I like the captain. End log.

[Jada]

Crewwoman Jada Nozama, Personal Log

Stardate: The last one, no the one before that

Attacked by Mirror ship. Discovered bomb, rescued the captain. Met my Shadow. We won.

Whatever happened to them anyway?

Addendum:

I screwed myself. Like literally, my own Mirror universe alternate. What the hells? Who does that? I must have been insane. It was pheromonal feedback. Is that even a thing? It sounds really messed up. Thousand Gods, is it masturbation or incest?!

I don't know. Maybe people would say its narcissism. But I don't feel that. I guess if I love myselfÁ¢â,¬" no, if I love who I am, then I'd have to love her. And I do. And I did.

Addendum:

She's just another woman. She just happens to look like me. We have a lot in common, we really clicked. Of course, we'd hit it off. Okay, so we were trying to kill each other at the time. Sex just resolved the fight by other means.

Best sex ever!

Stardate: Later

Meeting yourself, even at your worst, and still liking what you see, is great for your self-esteem. I feel good, I feel confident, I can relax. I've been too formal around these aliens, afraid of giving offence, like they were gold-class scions back home. Now, stuff 'em! I'm great! I'll do fine.

Stardate: Still later

Well, my heat cycle's over, great, but no one's turning my head, no women, no men. I even tried to sneak looks at Captain Rellek and Commander Hawk, wondering if I'm in for an authority thing this season, but I get nothing. That was a relief. I wonder if I'm asexual this time, I'd like to try that.

Addendum:

Oh Goddess damn it. I'm spending way too long in the shower and in front of the mirror. I think I'm sexually attracted to myself.

[Jada]

Crewwoman Jada Nozama, Personal Log

Stardate:

Ordinary shift. Ordinary day.

...I think I ed up. Fraternising with the enemy, abandoning a mission for personal affairs, I suppose you'd call it. Starfleet wants its people to be honest and responsible. They actually expect us to own up to our mistakes and misbehaviour, even if we don't have to. Weird. It's like doing what you want, profiting off it, and getting away with it isn't a virtue in the Federation.

No one knows what I did. Okay, maybe they suspect, but wouldn't dare raise it. And they can't prove it. I can get away with it.

But I know. So, you can never completely get away with it. I can't deceive myself. And right now, I love myself and need to do right by me. I failed myself, I owe myself. I feel... what do humans call it? Oh, yeah, guilty. Really weird.

I want to do this Starfleet thing right. Not just for them, or the clan, but for me. Ever since I was attacked by the gisjacheh shadow-cat, I've always been watching my own back. Pushing myself to do better.

I think I should report myself to Hawk. But then I think I can call it a pheromone feedback overdose or something; I can probably get excused on medical reasons. Or maybe he'll be too shocked to let it go further. Who wants to know about someone having sex with their alternate? I wouldn't, and I did it... And I'm right back to getting away with it. Or maybe I just own up to it, be all honest and responsible like Starfleet wants, show myself to be a good Starfleet girl. I'd earn some good social credit, with them and me. And I'm back to profiting off it.

I want to do the right thing. Only I have two different right things and can't tell the difference.

Well, I really screwed myself.

End log.

Delete.

[Jada]

Ten-Forward

After evacuating the crew and passengers of the Casanova, and while engineers made the doomed liner somewhat spaceworthy, the Tempest had quite a few civilians to look after. Now Security found itself in the hospitality business, working to address their concerns and trying to keep bored and curious people from wandering anywhere sensitive, like Engineering or the Bridge. Many had been unaware of the full extent of the danger their ship had been in, hence why they'd felt more inconvenienced than anything, but now they were growing shocked to learn how close they'd came.

Jada had caught up with Valerie, and invited her to Ten-Forward for a chat and a drink after her long shift. They had the stolen Os'mir, the best kind of price. But Jada felt really goofy being with the stunning Orion woman; she could be a lodubyal, she was so beautiful. But Valerie seemed nervous now; maybe she was just shy? Jada didn't push or flirt, they just talked about what had happened to the ship, the problems of being Orion in the Federation. At last, in a quiet moment, Jada made her move. 'We can go back to my quarters, I have Kolari music and a firepot and wing-slugs to toast. We can finish off this bottle...', reaching over to touch Valerie's hand...

...Which she quickly retracted. Valerie, careful with her words, admitted 'Um, I'm afraid I'm not actually attracted to women. Sorry.'

Jada pulled her hand back, disappointed and puzzled. 'But I thought we had something, back on the Casanova...'

Valerie had the decency not to look embarrassed. 'I let you think that. I saw you checking me out, and thought if I led you on, you'd go easy on me for the stealing or help me if things went bad. Just making sure, you know?'

'You said you liked a girl in uniform...'

'I like to see a sister get ahead.'

'You played me.' Jada sighed in full realisation, then burst into laughter 'Goddess! I'm only more attracted to you now!'

Valerie shared her laughter, flattered regardless. 'So, you're "gay", as the humans say?'

'At the moment, um, isosexual?' Jada tried, then quickly deflected, 'Don't ask. I'm cyclosexual. It changes.'

'Oh, I'm sorry...'

'Don't be. It keeps things interesting.'

'But I've heard it's hard having long-term relationships.'

'It hasn't come up.' Jada admitted, unable to keep an edge of sadness from her voice.

Valerie thankfully changed the topic, swigging her Os'mr and saying 'You never told me where in the Colonies you're from.'

'I didn't.' Jada admitted, too aware of her world's harsh reputation among Orions. 'I'm from Thirat.'

Valerie stiffened, turning a pale shade of green. 'Please don't kill me.'

'Why would I do that?'

'For insulting and misleading you, please forgive me.' Valerie begged with a shudder.

'There's no insult, I was just a fool... Why would you think I'd kill you?'

'I've heard stories about the Thiratin. The duels. Mercenaries and pirates who sharpen their teeth...'

'Duels stay on Thirat. It's mostly for gold-class scions with something to lose anyway. And I didn't sharpen my teeth, see? And we don't eat people either.' she declared, then added in a small Orion joke 'Not much these days, anyway.' Valerie seemed to be reassured. 'Look, my offer stands: we can listen to music, get drunk, and eat toasty wing-slugs. No sex or murder, promise.'

'Um, I should go. I need to sort things out on the Casanova. You can keep the drink.' Valerie quickly rose and departed.

'Sure. Good hunting, sister.' Jada waved her off, contemplating finishing the bottle herself.