Personal Log: Ardyn Jaeger

[Ardyn Jaeger]

Stardate: 72076.31

Yeah. The counselor told me (More like ordered on pain of no flight privileges for a month.) that I should write in my log. Yeah. As much as  I would like to tell my deep dark feelings, thing is, I can't exactly. I guess that's what you get from living in a family full of extroverted mind readers. No private thoughts at all. But hey, being here on a Starfleet ship isn't all that bad. They can't corner on a dime, but the speed of one of these ships  at warp is kinda exhilarating. Way better than shuttle racing, I tell ya.

My arm is finally healing from that little explosion I got caught in two weeks ago. I guess another couple scars to add to my already fairly large collection.
{sighs}
Geez. No matter how hard I try to leave the crash in the past, it always inevitably come backs to haunt me.
{She pauses}
I know they said that it wasn't my fault for the crash on Okaari II. That it was a malfunctioning flap on the engine that caused the crash. But I still think that at least some of the blame is mine. I was the one who convinced Trevor, my co-pilot to join that race.  And he had to pay for that mistake of mine.

You know what, I shouldn't think about this any more.
[End Log]

[Ardyn Jaeger]

Stardate 73406.15,  I actually remembered to say it, for once.

Computer, lock the door to my room and don't open it to anyone until I say so.  *Sigh.* Where in the #&!! do I start this? I guess I can just say it. No one's going to hear this. And especially not see this record. So, apparently, I'm about two months pregnant, and I never realized it until now. The doctor just confirmed it the other day after I got home from being on the away team.
It's just... it's just so overwhelming to think about. One moment, I'm just my normal self, and now this has happened.

[pause]

I wasn't intending to have a kid, period. Let me make that very clear. I'm not the parenting type at all. I don't have the least idea on how to raise this baby, much less... you know, how to teach it to not make the mistakes I've made.  *Sigh* Man, I wish my dad were here. I wonder what he'd think about this whole scenario.  He'd probably tell me that was an incredibly stupid decision of mine, and lecture me on the seriousness of what I've gotten myself into, then would start fawning over the grandbaby like nothing had happened.

I can't tell anyone this yet, especially not Alex. It'd be a scandal. Having a fling with my boss is bad enough, polywater-inebriated or not. Now, this kid will be involved, and that makes it a million times more complicated.

I have no idea what Alex would think about it. Would he even want a child?  I guess I'll have to wait it out, see if he might be receptive to this kid.

Hold on, Just one moment.

[Pause, the distant sound of retching is heard]

Bleh. I'm back. Just lost my lunch. I guess that makes this baby kinda official.  Nine or ten more months of all the lovely side effects that come along with this. Joy.
Computer, encrypt, decode, and lock this entry.