[Kinley’s Quarters - Discovery]
“Stardate… Oh gosh….78272.97. That’s it. Computer, Encrypt this message and time stamp it. I need to set this record straight. I don’t know if it will be needed, but this is what happened. This is not on any official records, or other records that I know about. I … I just need to say this. Maybe my own record might be enough to explain. Or, it might have me removed for keeping vital secrets from Starfleet. I don't know. “
“How do I even start?” *sighs and picks up Steve.* “So, I know I will be breaking Temporal Directive 659 with this log, but given the circumstances, there’s a good chance that I’m going to be at least investigated in some form because of all this if people look closely enough. I wouldn’t blame them after… All this. People keep telling me it’s not my fault, but… " *Sigh. *
“In 2399, I was chosen to be a part of a top-secret mission. Through whatever they do in the Temporal Integrity Commission division, I don’t know, they realized that the Borg had actually sent a second cube back in time to stop Picard and the rest of the Enterprise crew. For some reason, they couldn’t fix it, So they sent us. A single ship, a ragtag crew from across different points in the timeline with next to no backup, and a potential suicide mission with little chance of success and failure not an option. Not good odds, if you ask me…
I don’t know why I took that offer. Maybe it was the chance to make a difference, maybe it was to save my home, Earth from some fate worse than death, maybe it was the fact he called me some kind of legend in the future he’s from, I don’t know. I can’t exactly say what inspired me to say yes. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. One that I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.” *Sighs again*
“So, I’m sure there’s some secret record out there in whatever Temporal Archive or whatever of what happened, but to sum up at least on my end, shortly after we engaged the Borg, I got kidnapped off of the Valour. They didn’t assimilate me, at least not immediately. I remember being injected with some kind of something though. Some kind of sedative, or maybe some kind of preparatory nanoprobes to tranquilize me enough to speak with their Queen. And in essence…. Become a new one.”
“To become a Queen, in a sense, one has to be a willing subject. To willingly become assimilated and speak the language of the Collective. As the Collective grows, sometimes a new Queen is required to lead a new Cube. That’s why they chose me. And that’s why they were willing to reason with me.”
“I will admit, it was intriguing what she promised, the knowledge and wisdom of the entire Collective at my fingertips, and I wouldn’t say I wasn’t tempted, but in the end, I knew that I needed to buy time. So that’s what I did… I paid my life for the crew of the Valour and the rest of the Federation, and I took the implants she offered me. Willingly and in full faculties of my mind. I knew the cost, and if it had to be me, then so be it. ”
[* Some shuffling as Steve curls up around Kinley.*]
All this is to say, It’s because of this, and the events of the Frontier Day incident that I feel like I’m at least somewhat responsible for all this destruction that happened. It wasn’t as if I was in charge of my actions, but having that sway over the Collective, there’s still that hand that I played in it all.
"After the first incursion, I elected to get my implants removed. Mostly to look like myself, I’ll admit. The surgeons were able to remove 97% of the implants successfully, save a couple that were too dangerous to remove fully but were supposedly rendered harmless. Supposedly being the optimum word, I guess. However, being assimilated changes you on a cellular level as well. Not even your cells get to be separate from the Collective."
"From what I’ve heard, Admiral Picard found that out the hard way with Vox- uhh, I mean his son. That and the fact that I’m still young enough to have been affected by the call from the Cube. Either way, The Borg would probably have had me. And they didn’t forget me, either. That’s the scariest part. They didn’t forget me. They knew I was a Princess, and while I wasn’t the one giving the orders, like Vox was, I still spoke them to the Collective. It was my job to amplify them to everyone else. If the Borg had succeded, I would truly be a Queen and would have worked with Vox to… To kill - annihilate- everything."
[* Pauses for a bit to collect herself. *]
“So, where was I? Oh yeah, Being assimilated.
I will admit. Being in the Collective as a Princess is… It’s hard to explain in words. It’s like drinking from a fire hose but being able to do so just fine. Not going to lie, it was kind of beautiful. Millions of voices all speaking at once, and millions of life experiences lived at once, as well as millions of perspectives seen all at once. In a weird way, you really get to be intimately connected with millions of minds. Nowadays, it’s absolutely terrifying to think about, but at the time, it was honestly breathtaking.
“I’ve already had several scientific breakthroughs from what memories I’ve been able to retain of my time in the Collective, but there’s just so much to think about it all, it sends me into sensory overload just thinking about it. Of course, when EQ and Hawke rescued me from the Collective the first time, they destroyed the Queen of that particular cube, which suddenly sent the full force of the Collective onto me, and shocked the real me out for a bit where I could fight back. I wasn’t a full Queen yet, just in preparation as a Princess. I don’t think I’d have been able to be rescued if I was fully a Queen. By then you’re so far integrated into the Collective that it’s too late.
“The second time, it was different. I couldn’t really break through, like I did the last time but at the same time, I was somewhat defective, for the lack of a better term in the fact that my subconscious managed to fight the assimilation process, even for brief moments. I’m not 100% sure why. Maybe the assimilation process was inferior, maybe I was incompatible, maybe I was just defective after I broke free from the Collective the first time. I don’t know. Even then, it might not have mattered all that much, given everything. ”
[* She fingers a necklace with a medallion on it, the same one she received on that fateful mission *]
“On Frontier Day, I killed three of my own crew, hurt my own Executive Officer, and was the instrument to thousands more deaths on Spacedock and Earth. I don’t know if I am guilty of these sins because of my past actions and sacrifice. I only hope I might find forgiveness somewhere, and that the lives I saved might outweigh the lives that were taken.”
“Computer: End log and encrypt. “
