Personal Log - William Waring

[William Waring]

Begin Log

[The Screen shows Will. He is leaning forward from a sitting position at the desk in his quarters. He has a PADD in his right hand.]

So once again I have to get accustomed to a new ship. Granted, it's not much different from the Arizona but still. The ship is a mess for Operations. Perhaps it's only because I demand such high standards of my department.

[He lifts his head and shows the PADD to the camera. It shows the personnel file of Dr. Levinia Black.]

I still haven't been able to digest the fact that Vinnie is gone. I walk into Sickbay and half expect to see her helping a patient. It hurts not having her around. I considered her a sister of mine much like I consider Kyle my brother and Ruth my partner. I don't know what to do. All I want to do is cry but I know I can't because if I do it won't stop.

[He sets the PADD down and sits back in his chair. He pauses for a minute and takes a small felt box from the desk drawer]

I have reached a decision. I am going to propose to Ruth. I may not be perfect and I may drink too much caffeine but she loves me and I love her. I am still leery though because of what happened last time. I won't drag my feet this time. I am bound to get lucky eventually. Let's hope now is the time.

[The sound of the door is heard and Will quickly puts the box away.]

End Log

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]
*Will's voice can be heard just off frame*

I'm not great at consistently recording these but here I am now so yeah. I am still aboard the Athena so that's good. My ever growing collection of random thoughts is increasing as well. Keeps me busy when I'm not working, eating or in the ship's gym.

*Will sits at his desk with a stack of roughly eight leather bound books*

See these? All from this week and they range from Warp Theory to Temporal Mechanics. To most it is nonsense except a few from Command back on Earth but I think they are just humoring me. I am just an Operational Manager Stationed at the hind end of space.

Still I do what I love and love what I do. Can't ask for more then that except for a Command but that doesn't seem likely. I was a XO only to be demoted back to Second Officer.

*Will lets out a sigh and looks visibly dejected, still*

I don't mean to sound arrogant or self righteous but I thought that once I had made First Officer that I was set. I served under Captain Callie Anderson, on the USS Britannia, who was removed of Command and I thought it would fall to me to become Commander of the ship. Sadly that wasn't true. I was then transferred to the USS Chin'Toka as First Officer under Captain Donna Booth, where I endured a worm in my head that made me assist in the takeover of the ship. Not long after that Capt Booth was replaced with some Capt Brown. Apparently a disgraced Admiral got the pick over the ship's First Officer and to add insult to injury I was removed as XO and replaced back to Chief of Ops!

*Will looks directly into the camera*

So yeah. I don't think my chances of any Command Postion are too good. I guess I will have to stick to a Chief of Ops for the rest of my career.

*The door chime is heard*

Got to run

[End Log]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]
*The log begins, Will is staring into the screen without speaking for a couple moments*

A lot to catch up on, person who may watch this at some point. Since my last recording a lot has changed.

Firstly, I am now First Officer of the USS Tempest. Galaxy Class Vessel with a few tricks up her sleeve. I am serving alongside Full Commander Julia Rellek, Ruth, Ensign K'lizh from the Athena just to name a few people.

A few decisions were made in my personal afÁ¢â,¬"

*Will is cut off by the sound of the door opening followed by a voice that can't be heard well. After a minute the door is heard again and Will continues*

That was Ruth, grabbing a few things before heading down to her lab. Coincidentally she is the matter I was going to talk about.

*Will takes a deep breath and exits frame, returning with a coffee in his hand*

I have received her 'subtle' hints about getting married but I am still unsure. Not about being together, not at all. What I am unsure about is me. I have a habit of choosing work over anything else and should a better posting come along I don't know if I would stay. It was much easier when I wasn't a Command Officer. Back when I was a Junior Lieutenant I would have proposed already, yet now, as a First Officer and her as Chief of Science, it complicates things. I have more things on my mind then ever before.

*Will leans back in his chair and takes a deep breath*

I do love her more then anything but I can't help but feel like my luck is going to run out and she is going to be taken away from me just like my parents, my late fiancée and my unborn son.

*Will breaks down into tears and the feed cuts*
[End Log]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]
*The Log begins with Will staring intently into the screen, a bottle of unknown substance, similar in size and color to Romulan Ale, in his right hand. A small felt box sits just in frame, at the bottom of the screen.

After a minute he begins to speak. His speech is slurred*

I trust people with my life. The Captain, the Security Officers, hell even that Caitain Ops Officer I trust with my life. I know that I can rely on them to have my back in a crisis situation.

I trust people with my health. The doctors, the nurses, the medics. They know how to ensure my health is nothing less of perfect.

I trust very few people with me. Real me. I have suffered a lot over my twenty one years of life but I never thought that the one person I trusted absolutely, without fault, would so this.

*At this point, Will lifts the small box up with his left hand as he drinks from the bottle in his right*

See this?

*Will opens the box to show a gold ring with a big diamond sitting in the middle*

Cost me a month of credits and my trumpet to acquire this. My fathers trumpet, that he gave to me on my tenth birthday. And do you know where this was supposed to go to? Hmm? Well I'll tell ya. I was going to propose marriage to Ruth today. Instead she tells me she is resigning from her position on the ship.

*Will closes the box and sets it on the table before pulling out a large book from the desk.*

I bet you know where this is headed!

*He sets the bottle down, grabs the large book and begins smashing the box into the table, yelling at every hit*

I trusted you!

I believed you!

I LOVED YOU!

*He drops the book and opens up the mangled box. The ring is nothing more then twisted metal and the jewel in nowhere to be seen. He throws the bottle off frame before collapsing into his hands and sobbing.*

[Automatic Log Stoppage]

[William Waring]

Log Retrieved: Approx 2190

*The screen flickers to life to show Will sat on a crate in an open field. His jacket, being used as makeshift bandages on his arms, is nothing more then shreds of its original form. His right eye is swollen shut and his breathing sounds labored*

This is the first time I have been able to record a log since the incident and I am still hoping this is a nightmare. Since the mass evacuation of the Tempest we lost just under 200 brave souls.

*Will coughs blood and looks around*

Truth be told I wish I was one of them. I don't know what to tell these people. We can't just call for help because for all we know help doesn't exist yet. I've been telling them to hang in there but frankly I am losing faith myself. We are running out of emergency rations and have been unable to find any edible food in the immediate area.

*Will begins coughing up some more blood and sounds like he is hardly able to breathe. One doctor comes and moves Will to where he is laying down before turning the camera off.*

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]

*The screen activates and Will is shown. He sits silent for a minute as he looks down at the coffee in his hand. It is cold and untouched. Finally he speaks.*

It's been a while since I looked into my personal messages. I suppose it was because I was afraid of what I might find. I expected a message from Ruth because I still think she owes me an explanation for why she did what she did.

Fortunately, that's not what I found although what I did find wasn't much of an improvement.

*An audio message plays and audible is the voice of an old man*

That's my grandfather on my mother's side. An irritating old bastard, if you'll pardon my french. Ever since I was young he always tried to bring me into his company, since none of his sons wanted anything to do with it. I always said no and he stopped sending me offers until about....

*Will checks his computer for a time stamp*

...Two months ago. He said, in his own words, "Since that relationship with the fiery European fizzled why not help your old pappy".

*Will, visibly disgusted, stands up and replicates a new coffee*

The nerve of that man. Okay, I think I should fill you in. Whoever 'you' are.

*He sips his coffee and speaks again*

My grandfather is a 'Defense Contractor'. Founded in 2332, Hemoltz Defensive Services began its operations near backwater Starbases of Fed, Klingon and Romulan alike. Also to clarify, Hemoltz is my mother's maiden name. Anywho, he started out legitimate but never really made much in the way of profit. From what I could piece together he started moving goods all over the place and could do so because of 'favors' in all three aforementioned governments.

He wants me to become a majority holder in his company, take it over because he says that as he only grandson he should have to see me die in some frivolous fleet in the forgotten reaches of space.

*The lighting scheme changes to indicate it's almost time for Alpha Shift*

Sorry, duty calls. I will pick up on this next time.

[Log Ended]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]

*The screen activates and Will heard but not seen. His voice is muffled*

Just finished my daily dose of strenuous activity and before you starting guessing, it was weights. I was 'pumping the iron' as they used to say.

*Will enters frame. He is dressed in a pair of track pants and a tank top.*

Every since Ruth left I find myself doing harder activities. Just yesterday I mountain climbing without the safeties on. I'll be honest with you, me, you, whoever.

*Will sits down from his previously standing position*

Since she left, I find myself declining in the ability to maintain my 'mask' as I call it. As I'm sure you have noticed because you are here, I am not happy in these logs. I have been shown to be a real nutcase sometimes.

Anyway, the mask. The mask is similar to what Vulcans do, whereas they suppress all their emotions and adapt logic, except for me I suppress all the rotten memories of my miserable life and I bottle them up and instead I put on a mask. No one knows of my violent behavior, my tenfold increase in night terrors, or my substantial increase in my coffee consumption. Not Lisa, Lizzie, or the ships new counselor, Zex.

Here is an example of what I mean.

*Will turns the terminal to show his quarters. The room looks ransacked and anything once fragile is scattered across the floor in pieces.*

Happened just before this log. Thought of her and it made me uncontrollably angry. Smashed the last remaining pictured I had of us together.

*Will's voice wavers*

I still hope she will come back. It's... it's all I think about sometimes. I'm so... lost. Like of piece of me is missing.

*The screen rotates back to show Will sobbing uncontrollably at his desk*

[End Log]

[William Waring]

Counselor's Record | Patient: Waring, William Q | Stardate: Unknown

Counselor: Computer, start recording: File Waring Alpha Whisky. Please say your full name for my record please.

Will: Sure. William Quentin Waring.

Counselor: Your date of birth and occupation as well, please.

Will: I was born on the 17th of October, 2372. I am a Starfleet Officer based out of the "Shadow Fleet"

Counselor: Very good. Now, what is it that caused you to come to me with such haste uh...

Will: I prefer Will

Counselor: Well then Will, what permitted such haste?

Will: As I'm sure your records of me show, I lost a lot of people I really cared about, people I loved.

Counselor: Please continue, Will

Will: Well after all of that, especially the loss of my unborn son, I found it hard to attach to people. Few people see me without the facade. Without the happy go lucky routine.

Counselor: I am so sorry Will, my records never mentioned your son...

Will: That's the least of it.

Counselor: Please continue then

Will: Well, a while back I was in a 'Pen Pal' program. Small network of people within the Fleet who could send messages to one another. No face to face contact sort of thing. Anyway, I am onboard one of my older assignments when we start retrieving survivors. By some stroke of luck I found my Pen Pal. Wonderful woman, not long after that we stated dating.

Counselor: She sounds lovely

Will: Oh she was! Drop dead gorgeous and the brains to match!

Counselor: So all was well then?

Will: It was when we were together

Counselor: I'm assuming this relationship came to an end then, prompting this visit?

Will: I would say 'came to an end'. More like 'a complete blindslid and betrayal'

Counselor: She left you then?

Will: Yeah, without so much as a goodbye! Just up and left! The kicker is that I was going to propose marriage the next day!

Counselor: Perhaps... can... you

FILE CORRUPTED: IMMEDIATE REPAIR REQUIRED

[William Waring]

Starfleet Medical File | Subject: Waring, William Q | Post: Executive Officer

Note: Any evaluation is unproven until subject is brought in for study

Mental Evaluation:
The subject in question has obviously proven himself to be knowledgeable in his field (reference Personnel File) but despite this his mental aptitude for the fields of Science and Medicine are very much lacking. Further study required.

The subject in question shows a severe addiction to caffeine which could result in harmful withdrawal should this supply end.

Physical Evaluation:
The subject is in peak physical condition due to the excessive and strenuous activities that are completed by the subject. These activities have been started due to a series of events (refer to Emotional Evaluation).

The subject did incur one major injury to the groin that required surgery to remove part of the injured organ. The aforementioned injuried greatly decreases the likelihood that the subject will produce offspring.

Emotional Evaluation:
The subject appears to have a generally optimistic and positive personality however this is only a facade put up by him. Extensive research into the subject's background reveal numerous accounts of the subject losing family members or significant other. These losses have resulted in extreme deterioration of the subjects mental state. Should he experience another one of this type of loss, the result will be nothing short of a Starfleet Mental Hospital.

Traumatic Incidents throughout the subject's life:

• Loss of Both Parents - Age 16
• Loss of Fiancée - Age 20
• Loss of Unborn Son - Age 20
• Abandonment of Significant Other - Age 22

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]

*The log begins and Will is sat in his desk chair reading a PADD*

So it is...uh...late January-ish, which is a particularly hard time for me because it was around this time of the month when my fiancée and son passed.

*Will pauses as he thinks about what he wants to say, holding back his emotion all the while*

He was due to be born in June with me and my fiancée set to get married in May. She and my son died in an Engineering accident.

I'm sorry...

*Will turns away from the camera and wipes the tears from his eyes before turning back*

The accident happened about this time, 2393 but I didn't find out until April of that year. Four months it took them to tell me my fiancée was dead!

*He lets out and exasperated sigh and lays his head on the desk, his voice now partly muffled*

All I wanted was a family. I wife and kid that I could be with until the end of my days. Instead I get constant pain, suffering and misery. Everyone I became close to is either dead or mighr as well be. Why do I bother trying to reason. It's obvious now. I am not destined to be happily married nor have a son nor be free of my pain. I am destined to be a man filled with self-loathing and crushing sorrow until it finally ends. Only the sweet release of death will allow me to be happy.

I'm going to the new Counselor, perhaps they will listen to be. Better then this computer anyway.

[Log Ended Due to Subject Leaving the Designated Recording Area]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]

*The log begins and Will is just sitting down with a fresh coffee*

I did some digging into our Terran comrades. Not much is known but I was able to grab some data off the Terrans when they weren't looking.

*Will takes a long sip from the coffee*

Mostly irrelevant paperwork bar one exception, rosters. Turns out some of the Prime crew have counterparts onboard the Terran vessel. K'lizh, James, Jada, just to name a few. Looked for others like the Skipper and myself. Nothing much of interest except for the fact that I don't exist. Like, at all. Any record I looked at showed no name, rank or rate for a Terran me.

*Will paused as he takes another sip*

Quite interesting actually. Perhaps I died before I could enlist. Maybe I was never born. Gets the brain thinking of everything that could have happened. Full of what ifs.

*A chime is heard and Will sets down his coffee*

Gotta go. Official business to attend to!

[End Log]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]

*The log begins and shows Will sat on his couch, polishing his Trumpet.*

Two logs in this short a time frame. I am spoiling you, whoever you are.

*He paused while he buffs out a particularly rough patch*

I bet you didn't know I played Trumpet, huh? My father gave it to me on my twelfth birthday. Came from his father's father. You learn something new everyday, me included.

Back when I was in the Technical Academy on Mars, I was friends with the then-Commandant of the Academy, Commander Jaxson. Real hard-liner and wasn't exactly known for being easy to get along with.

Well it turns out he recently got promoted to Commodore and works for Starfleet Personnel now. At least that's what he said. We keep in contact and he said in his last transmission that a lot of new recruits were being sent our way. I can't say I disagree considering that we haven't seen port in months and we aren't exactly high in the mailing list for roster count.

*He sets down the polish and plays a few notes on the Trumpet*

Hmm, valves are still a little sticky. I will have to work on that.

*He sets the Trumpet down and stretches back and lets out a yawn.*

I have a feeling that if R/Admiral Jaxson is right, we might see some new faces aboard. Helps to get new blood, keeps us stuffy CLOs from becoming too stuffy.

Oh, next log I will finish explaining my grandfather. I promise! For now I need my sleep. Night terrors will happen but I am losing my ability to control my anger without sleep. Sleep calls, night terrors be damned.

[End Log]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log | Holodeck 2]

*The log begins with Will cooking at a stove circa 2150*

So last log I promised to explain about my grandfather and well, I'm here to deliver.

*He pauses as he flips over a pancake*

So, my grandfather is what he likes to call a 'Defense Contractor'. He's anything but a Defense Contractor. If you've heard of rebel groups taking over planets he probably supplied them.

He doesn't have the latest and greatest in equipment but he is effective. He hired, trained, and deployed a team of shock troopers that took down a small unaligned colony.

He doesn't care who you are, what you business is, or who you consider yourself as. All he cares about is how much Credits or GPL he makes regardless if you Fed, Klink or Romulan.

*Will shakes his head out of disgust*

The worst part is that he want me working for him. He says he acquired an old busted Miranda Class Starship that he would be willing to set me up with. The catch is that it would be used as my mobile base to coordinate shock troopers. This man, who knows I'm a Starfleet Commander, is trying to get me to coordinate movements of shock troopers on innocent colony worlds.

*Will looks at his stove and notices burned pancake*

Well then... I guess I should invest in a better cookbook.

Computer, end log and compose message...

[End Log]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]

*The log begins with Will leaning back in his chair at his desk*

I have been making more of these logs as of late and up until recently I never really understood why. I told myself it was to keep a running record yet I always had a feeling there was more to it.

*He leans forward and rests his hands on the desk*

I think I know the reason why I keep these logs. I think it's to keep me sane. I don't talk to many people when I'm not on duty mostly because I prefer to be allow when I cry but when I record a log it just makes me feel better.

*Will takes a deep sigh as he pulls a bottle out from his desk and pours some into a glass*

I never had an easy life another my parents pasted. I served on a freighter, the SS November Union, from ages 16 to 20. It was hard work for little payout. Sometimes the pay from the haul went towards keeping the ship running.

*He takes a sip from the glass and gives a nod of approval*

He came to Earth Spacedock and that was my ticket to stability, believe it or not. I knew I could eat when I wanted, work my shift and relax or just work my trade.

I enlisted in Starfleet for Transport Operations and was shipped out to Mars for my Six Month training course. That is where I met my first fiancée. She was there for some convoluted reason yet we hit it off and started dating. Fast forward to just before graduation and that's when I proposed. She said yes and we had one last full day before I went out for my training cruise.

*Will pauses and takes another sip from the glass*

She wanted to get married right away but I objected saying we should do it later in the year. She caved and the date was set. To celebrate we got...well, intimate.

*Will finishes the glass, his hands noticeably more unsteady then before*

That was the last time I saw her alive. By April 2393 I was posted to Task Force 10. I received the news when I was on base. She died from a complete accident that n-never should have happened. I-It w-wasn't until I s-saw the report t-that I k-knew she was pregnant. I had a son...

*Will leans forward and puts his head in his hands, crying*

I'm sorry It's still very painful. I just wanted to be a father....

[End Log]

[William Waring]

[Begin Log]

*The log begins with Will sat at his desk with a hot cup of coffee and a PADD that was bigger then standard issue*

So I got something rare today. It's something I haven't heard much of over the past few years.

*He pauses for a moment*

I'm talking about good news, of course, and this time it something big. Really big."

*He carefully sets the PADD down as he sips his coffee*

It appears that I have been selected for Command of a Starship. Some information has yet to be sent to me but what I do know is that it is an Excelsior Class Starship with the working name of Challenger. I have humbly accepted such an appointment to CO after being assured I was the best fit for the position.

*He sets down his coffee mug and transfers the display on the PADD to another file*

I did some digging into the name Challenger I one entry stuck out. A Shuttle Challenger from Earth Date April 4, 1986. I did some research in my off duty time and found that this Shuttle exploded 73 seconds after what was called liftoff. Perhaps those who proposed the name didn't realize what significant effects it had.

*He pauses and let's out a sigh*

Despite this event happening before my time, I still feel compelled to honor those individuals who were on that Shuttle. While I will not reject the name Challenger, I have sent a proposal to get the assigned shuttles named after individuals. Since reading that file, I have a sense of obligation to go out and accomplish the tasks they never got to.

It won't be in Earth Orbit or launching equipment to monitor comets but I will explore the unknowns and push the limits of what we know, not unlike those from Early Earth Space Travel.

*The door chimes and an Andorian woman enters, dressed in workout gear, and mentions a game of Parrises squares that Will was late for*

Oh! Gotta go. I set a match and I intend to win.

[End Log]