When Worlds Collide

[Beja]

Katra Station - Counselor's Office

One of the first tasks that Captain Solluk had given Beja was to talk with each of the command staff as a way to get introduced to the issues that the crew and station were facing and where her skill sets might be best utilized. A task that would take a bit of time to complete, there was a lot Katra Station had gone through recently, and the crew had been without any kind of counselor for awhile.

She had been looking forward to meeting with each of them, and have that initial one on one meeting. There was only so much a person could learn from reports and background history. People were always much more than just a few numbers or words on a page. Yes, their family and experiences all shaped who and what they became, their files were a treasure trove that she would read time and again, but there was no better way to get to know someone than in person. It was in person that people really displayed who they were and to a larger extent why they had become what they were.

The first command staffer Beja was meeting with was First Officer Commander Rayek tr'Lhoell. She didn't want to have anything to formal for the meeting, she wanted to have him be at ease with her. Having a counselor on the Station was a new phenomenon for them. Add to that the fact that the counselor was a Klingon added to the awkwardness of the situation.

So, rather than having everything be sterile and cold, she opted to have the first face to face meeting in a more relaxed and casual fashion.

The best way to do that, was to have the meeting over tea. Beja made sure that the tea had been steeped enough for the flavor to permeate the water fully. She smiled when her appointment arrived, "Hello, please come in," she stood up as she welcomed him fully into the room.

"I've made tea," she indicated to the tea set and cups set out on the table, "Don't worry, it is safe to drink. It isn't a Klingon tea ceremony," Beja joked with the Commander.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell
[Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office](after S1M6)

Rayek had known the counseling meeting was coming, Captain Solluk had ordered it, however the Romulan had hoped to meet with the Klingon counselor first in his own 'Face-to-Face' meeting - under conditions that he could control.  But that didn't happen.  His life had exploded in an emotional rollercoaster what with Captain Tekin jealous rage, Tidu's happy return, then Saqa7's big reveal and departure.

Rayek had immediately taken a few days off in an attempt to help prevent another 'breakdown'. The last thing Katra needed was him being pulled from duty by another counselor because of emotional instability.  He had hoped to talk to Miss Judy about this past week's mess but his next scheduled call with her wasn't for another few days and he knew by now that it was near impossible to reach her directly without an appointment.

Rayek didn't know what to expect from the Klingon counselor and that troubled him.  He would have liked to have been able to scan the room for listening devices before hand.   Yes, he had done so last month when the area had been first refurbished, but not since she'd moved in.

Preparing himself as best he could for whatever lay ahead, Rayek after chiming the door and receiving permission to enter,  stepped through and into a warm colored environment.  The psychology of colors was familiar to Rayek, but this honestly seemed to be the first time he'd seen anyone in the Federation make use of such.

At the greeting he received, Rayek nodded.  "Counselor".

He then looked over to the diminutive Klingon woman and followed with his eyes her gesture towards the tea set.  Of course he knew, in theory, about the Klingon tea ceremony; it was one of the reason his pulse jumped at the suggestion of tea.  When she joked about it, Rayek forced a bit of a slight smile.  "That is good to know. Thank you."

Rayek made himself walk over and pour himself a cup of tea.  He added 1 sugar and a bit of cream.   His usual chai tea having ruined black tea for him.  Now he preferred the sweeter taste of things.  The tea cup in hand he took a seat on a nearby chair.

"Before we begin Counselor, I am curious to know something.  I currently am a patient of Dr. Judy Eastman of Starbase Columbus.  Does her doctor-patient confidentiality still apply to you? What I mean to say, is do you have access to her notes on our sessions together?"

Rayek needed to know if he was starting from scratch with the Klingon.  It had taken months to get to the current level of understanding (he wasn't sure he would call it trust) Rayek had with Miss Judy.  It wasn't something that would be, or could be replaced so readily.

[Beja]

Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office - After S1M6

Beja nodded over to the Romulan, giving him the affirmative answer to his question. Interesting, that was his first inquiry to her. She followed up her body language response with, a spoken response, "Yes, your mandated sessions I have full access to."

She paused to take a sip of her tea, before she continued, "But I've not read them yet. I prefer to make my first impressions on my own, without having anything else clouding that." She sat her teacup down onto the matching little plate.

"And, I'd rather have your permission first before I did. Some may see it as an invasion of privacy. Sure, I have access and the right, but without the person's implicit approval, it can be viewed as going behind their back," Beja finished. She sat back and waited for him to respond. She found sessions were guided by the client, it should always be at their pace. If one tried to force it, force them to reveal more than they were comfortable with, nothing would be discovered.

Many in her classes had likened it to gardening, where Beja and other counselors were the gardeners. The gardeners had to tend to the garden, making sure they had the conditions needed for them to grow and develop properly. But one couldn't force that growing process, if the gardener did the plant would not grow to its fullest. One couldn't water too much, or not enough, give too much nutrients or not enough. The gardener had to listen to the plant in its needs and do her best to anticipate it as well.

Though in looking at the rather somber and rigid First Officer before her, Beja was sure he wouldn't at all enjoy being likened to a flower.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell
[Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office](after S1M6)

Rayek nodded slightly in response to her nod. The fact that though she had access but hadn't read through Miss Judy's counseling session notes already - preferring to make her own first impression - was notable.  Rayek didn't have that sort of patience.  If he had known Beja's name prior to her arrival - or had the time since her arrival - Rayek would have done a background search on her already.  First impressions were notoriously inaccurate, because people were rarely themselves when first meeting.  Either they wanted to impress or they thought little importance of the other giving lie to their actual personality over time.

As she went on to explain how she preferred to have his permission first, Rayek sipped at the tea.  It seemed to be a typical leaf tea rather than some of the more exotic fruit blends that were out there.

He noticed after a moment that she had stopped talking and seemed to be waiting for his response.  Was she expecting to be giving permission already?  Rayek took another sip of his tea delaying his reply.  Then set his own tea down on it's saucer as well.

"My preference is that you don't - not solely because I am uncomfortable at the notion of my privacy being ignored, but because I don't believe it reflects well the progress I have made.   And I believe her opinion of me from those early sessions might bias your impression of me as we move forward."

[Beja]

Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office - After S1M6

"I will honor your request Commander," Beja responded to him. It was hard to know about the progress he had actually made in prior sessions with another counselor. But if he had wanted to continue with sessions with her, it wouldn't be take long for her to know if true progress was being made or not. She would take it as a good sign that he wanted to continue on the path towards his betterment and development.

Mandated counseling was complicated situation. The person obviously didn't want to be there, so that created its own issues. And just as obvious, the person needed the counseling in order to deal with issues they were not dealing with. The biggest hurdle to helping someone who was mandated to the sessions, is getting them on board with the work needed. A lot of times, people would just say what they knew was needed to be said, to get over the sessions and on with their lives. Forcing someone to deal with issues they refused to acknowledge rarely ended with success.

Perhaps, Beja should take it as a good sign, that the commander still wanted to work with a counselor unmandated. That spoke volumes for Judy's work, despite his reservations, she must have provided a good foundation for his work, mandated or not.

"I can assure you that I will remain objective. My job is not to judge you, but to support and help you," Beja reassured him. Genuinely she wanted to aid people, as strange as that was for a Klingon to desire.

Then she asked him, "Commander, what do you expect from the counseling process?"

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell
[Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office](after S1M6)

From the comfy seat in the counselor's office, Rayek regarded the cadet as she agreed to respect his privacy.  At present, he had no way of knowing if her word was worth anything. Generally Klingon's kept their word, not all however.  But this wasn't just any Klingon, this one had gone through Starfleet's Academy.  Rayek imagined that like himself she'd had to face a number of double-standards in order to pass, since Klingons were not a Federation member species.

Her words offering support - not judgement he knew was what was expected.. of even Miss Judy.  He, however, had rarely felt supported during any of his previous sessions.  If she could actually do what she said she planned to he would be impressed.

Her question had him puzzling the answer for a moment.  With Miss Judy, he had very little expectations. Hell, half the time it felt like he was just striving not to give the counselor cause to threaten his position.  Did he have any actual goals for this process?

"I honestly expect very little," Rayek commented almost drily to the counselor.  "Because of the difficulties I experienced in adapting to Federation norms, I've been attending these mandated counseling sessions since my time at the MARS Academy.  I've always maintained they are just another means for Starfleet to keep track of me. Miss Judy, however, was the first to actually attempt something even close to offering counsel on a number of issues I've had during my time as Executive Officer, but our personalities do tend to clash.  She seems to take affront to the fact that there are things in my past that I cannot or will not share.  I hope, you and I will be a better fit."

[Beja]

Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office - After S1M6

Beja appreciated the honest candor that the commander gave her. His answer didn't surprise or shock her at all. She had given a baseline question in order to suss out his truth. The fact that he had answered honestly, was nice. She would have been disappointed if he had tried to bluff or lie his way through the simple question. It would have made helping him that much more difficult of a task for her. It also gave her a goal, something for her to work towards. More importantly it allowed for her to know when she had achieved success with the sessions for the commander.

"Well, I appreciate your honesty, and I hope that I will be able to change those expectations you have. Or should I say don't have. My hope is that you will actually gain and grow from these sessions. These are for you, and you should realize there is no judgment here, in this room," Beja explained to him. She didn't think he would believe that, but it was the truth.

A good counselor could not be the objective support system that the person needed, if the counselor judged everything being done. Her job wasn't to be a moral or ethical enforcer. Her job was to help the person work through their life's obstacles.

"You are free to share what you want to share, and keep what you don't want to share to yourself," she reassured him. Beja didn't have to tell him, that often times what people didn't or wouldn't say, spoke more volumes that what they actually did say.

She then asked him, "What are the obstacles or problems from your viewpoint?"

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell
[Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office](after S1M6)

Rayek heard the long familiar phrases of 'the sessions are for you' and there was 'no judgement'.  He'd yet to see evidence of either being factual.

Her reassurances regarding 'sharing' were met with a skeptical nod.  "I hope so."

At her vague question Rayek considered a moment.  Was she asking what were the obstacles to sharing?  Or what were his life obstacles? With him perhaps they were same??

"Much of myself and my past I choose to not to speak to anyone and this past has been permitted to be deemed classified. However this secrecy on top of my obvious species means that I am not well-trusted except by those that know me well. Much of the station believes the worst of me and I find that it impacts my effectiveness as executive officer."

Rayek paused hesitant to bring up things he doesn't need to. But it had been on his mind of late.  "From Katra's very first official opening day, there have been many situations that have come up whose poor outcomes I feel directly responsible for.  These failures have left me doubting my ability in a Command role.  Yet despite my own doubts, the Captain has seen fit to promote me as if he feels I have done well at my job rather than fail at it."

And because Miss Judy was constantly reminding him to speak about his emotions he added.  "Emotionally, I want to lie and say I am doing well but the truth of it is that these past few months, since January, have been trying.  I feel raw and exposed.  I want to lash out from the loss I have experienced. Loss of imagined families.  Loss of civilians and crew that were part of my responsibility to safe-guard." His voice began to thicken and it took effort to continue, "Loss of the one love that I felt destined for."

[Beja]

Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office - After S1M6

Quietly, Beja typed onto her PADD as she listened intently to the Commander talk. There was a lot she wanted to ask of course, but she knew that the entire point wasn't asking questions. Now the sessions were best utilized when it was the 'client' leading the direction. What people mainly needed wasn't answers to their questions, but the ability to be able to speak them out loud, and work them out slowly with someone there to guide them through it.

The Commander appeared to have a lot that he needed to work through, and Beja hoped that he would honor her with the chance to help him do that. At least he hadn't out right said no to the sessions, and outwardly appeared to be a willing participant. But that could change, she had seen that before. Sometimes people got scared when they had to deal with their issues. The only thing she could do is show them their inner strength was greater than their inner fear.

Beja said, "Tell me Commander, do you believe in the judgment of the Captain?"

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell
[Katra station - Deck 18 - Counselor's office] (after S1M6)

The counselor's question was a simple one.  It should have a simple answer.  But as with everything with him, Rayek found it wasn't simple.

He took a moment regain his composure before answering, glad somewhat that the counselor was focusing on the work aspect rather than the more emotional personal issues.  Those were much harder to speak to with others.  It was different with Tess.   He knew he could trust her.

He glanced to his tea cup on its saucer on the table before him.  For a moment he considered picking it up to sip at as a delay, but set the thought aside.  He needed to follow through on his counseling or Dr. Eastman would involve Starfleet Medical and it would all be over for him.

He lifted his gaze once more the young Cadet - soon to be Ensign.  It felt wrong to be saying such to someone so much younger and with less experience but it couldn't be helped.

"I realize the answer should be a simple 'yes'.  However, we are often at odds, likely because of my upbringing.  So when we diverge in judgement, I must defer to his greater rank and trust that his is the best course for this Federation station.  I remind myself constantly that this is not the Empire and that the rules and expectations here are different."

[Beja]

Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office - After S1M6

"There is rarely a simple answer to much commander," Beja responded, before she added, "But do you think that perhaps a reason that you and the Captain might disagree at times, is that he is seeing your successes, and you are focusing on what you feel was not as successful?"

"I haven't known either of you that long, or that well, but it sounds that you are super honed into what didn't go perfectly rather than looking at what had gone well," she shared her thoughts with him. He must of course be under a lot of pressure, internal and external. It sounded like the internal pressure to be perfect and succeed at everything, had perhaps put blinders on him. Sometimes people were their own worst critics, and this seemed to be the case with the commander.

Beja then asked him,"Do you wish the federation was more like the empire, Commander?" She could understand that kind of natural yearning for one's homeworld and way of life.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell
[Katra station - Deck 18 - Counselor's office] (after S1M6)

His first thought at the Cadet's response, was that her words were a little cliche.  But then he realized they were cliche because it was too often true.  Things were rarely simple.

When she went on to have him consider the reason for that disagreement, suggesting that he was only focusing on what hadn't gone perfectly, he nodded.  She was absolutely correct.

"That is true." he admitted, then continued on to add "Yet, while Starfleet has taught me standard judgements by which I can base another's overall contribution and success... I still cannot measure myself by those same standards.  It is foreign to me."

Having said that her next question wasn't surprising and he hoped he wasn't shooting himself in the foot by answering honestly.  "In some things ... yes.  In others...  no.  For example, the Federation has a 'superior' moral code which I have had difficulties with in the past but am coming to see the value of. But they also allow that same moral code to put themselves at risk unnecessarily.  They are at quite naive about First Contacts."

[Beja]

Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office - After S1M6

Beja listened to the Commander's answers to her questions. His responses were not surprising, but perhaps if they were a little bit surprising to him, then she would have met part of her job's requirements. He was in the unusual position of having to find where he fit into the Federation, and more importantly where he fit in, outside the Empire. She knew first hand how challenging it could be to adapt to a different culture and environment than that of a person's homeworld. It had to be even more challenging for him, when he was in a position of authority and power of others. That had to come with distrust, but it sounded like most of it came from himself. He didn't trust his instincts in this new environment he had chosen to be in. At least he didn't yet, that would be one of the things they would work on in the sessions.

"Why don't we try something a little bit different. Can you try and review your work as if you were reviewing a crew member's? You will need to think in the third person," Beja suggested to him. She had hoped that the exercise would help him to not focus on all of the negative things, but also see the positive, and successes that he achieved. A person should not ignore their mistakes, but they should not solely focus on just that either. If all a person saw was the negative, over time that will seep into their very essence and their mindset will become one of negativity.

Beja smiled over at him, before she remarked, "You are in a unique situation commander. You can take the best of the empire, and bring that to the Federation, and take the best of the Federation to use. You can help them with what you see are the weaknesses in the first contacts, and allow them to be better for it. Just as you can become better for learning and growing from what the Federation does better."  He had chance to shape himself and those around him by his own experience, and that is how people grew and developed into better versions of themselves, and their world.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr Rayek tr'Lhoell
[Katra station - Deck 18 - Counselor's office] (after S1M6)

"Review my own performance?... in third person?"  Rayek sounded skeptical.

The counselors words about how he was in a unique position to take the best of both systems and combine them sounded nice in theory.. but he wasn't sure it could work in practice.  He was certain things like the Federations Prime Directive wasn't open to 'tweaking' by the former Romulan Tal'Shiar operative they permitted in their midst.

" Well I... " Rayek paused with a frown as he caught himself slipping into 1st person not even two words into his review. He tried again.

"Rayek is a passable officer.  Intelligent and innovative, but this only serves give him a sense of superiority which further widens the gap between him and those under him.  He is hyper aware of the distrust his species engenders and despite his efforts to 'fit in', he is very much outside of the team as a whole."

Rayek considered specifics.  "During the Dosi battle, his attempt to draw off one of the cruisers, left Katra to face 3 other ships alone.  This made it easier for the station to be boarded.  He didn't think through his actions. This is a repetitive flaw of his.  His plan to fly the Kir'Shara into a Dosi cruiser would have ended in his own death and that of Katra's 2nd officer at the time had it not been for the convenient arrival of the USS Discovery."   

[Beja]

Katra Station -  Deck 18 - Counselor's Office - After S1M6

The Commander's response and report of himself in the third person was not all that surprising, and yet at the same time it was surprising. She understood on a personal level, how difficult it was to fit in, being the odd person out was never easy. And it didn't help when a person wanted nothing more than to be accepted and part of the group, to feel like they would never be able to bridge that chasm.

"Tell me Commander, do you have a best friend?" Beja looked over at him as she asked him the question. Her PADD held in her lap. She stopped talking notes while she talked with him. She wanted him to feel more at ease, like he was talking with a friend. She wanted the feeling to be more comfortable, and less clinical.

She assumed he had enough of clinical talks with the other counselor sessions he had done in the past. Opening up could be difficult for people, especially those who had to carry the extra weight of command on their shoulders. They had to exude confidence in their crew, but that didn't mean that they didn't also need support and assistance either. Sometimes they needed it more than anyone.