Into the Dark Abyss (Rayek/Tess) COMPLETE

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Tess Moreno (end of August 2397)
[Katra Station - Outside Dr. Senva's quarters]

Tess looked over to Rayek as she was about to palm the door chime. She was nervous about the treatment since it likely was going to be pretty intense and would make her feel vulnerable. But knowing her own feelings she knew that it must be all the more difficult for Rayek for different reasons. So her primary concern was for him. She was glad he had agreed to the treatment.

Offering a smile, she hoped would be encouraging, she looked at him questioningly. "Ready?", she asked softly. She wouldn't chime the door bell before he said he was.

Inside the Vulcan doctor Senva sat cross-legged on a black meditation carpet. His back straight and his eyes closed he sat in the dimmed light of the room, the flickering of the meditation lamp giving the scene something almost primitive that made you want to forget about the high technology world they were living in.

In front of him there were two more of those carpets, one for Rayek and one for Tess while soft and calm music played in the background.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr. Rayek tr'Lhoell (end of August 2397)
[Katra Station - Outside Dr. Senva's quarters]

Standing outside the door of the Vulcan doctor's quarters, Rayek waited stiffly for Tess to chime the door panel.  Her gentle question and encouraging smile told him that she was fully aware of the turmoil he felt over this situation.

Every nuance of his upbringing in the Empire, told him to avoid this scenario.  To keep secure and closed off his mind from the scrutiny of others.  But Rayek had witnessed the result of that - with the death of Ambassador Kalavak.  Rayek had too much to live for now to even consider not going through with this... but that didn't mean that he was happy about it.

The fact that Tess was aware of his nervousness, meant he didn't have to feign a smile in return.   Rayek merely nodded. "As ready as I will ever be." he answered.

While Tess chimed the door, Rayek considered how fortunate he was that Dr. Senva had requested that the two of them attend this treatment session together.  The Romulan knew he would be more accepting of the procedure with her presence nearby.

When the door opened, Rayek didn't move immediately.  Instead his eyes took in the scene for a moment, observing the Vulcan seated cross-legged on a meditation mat in front of a Vulcan meditation lamp.  It was only after his eyes adjusted to the dim interior and he could ascertain that there were no others lurking within did Rayek step through into the room.

"Doctor." Rayek gave the Vulcan a brief nod of his head in greeting.  "I assume we are to sit on the mats?"

Rayek looked to Tess and allowed her to select the mat of her choice first.  He then moved to the other and rather than sit cross-legged, Rayek chose to kneel and then sit back onto his heels.  It was a more formal sitting position and better represented his mindset at the moment.

He met the calm, neutral expression of the Vulcan and had to push aside his inherent distrust of the emotionless man.  "Is there anything that we are to do to prepare?" he asked, his eyes leaving the Vulcan's to glance to Tess briefly, ensuring she too was ready. 

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Cmdr. Tess Moreno
and
Dr. Senva - Vulcan Medical Institute

[Katra Station - Senva's quarters]

Tess had - unsuspecting as she was - stepped into the room without hesitation. She observed the situation before them with curiosity and deep respect. There was no doubt that the Vulcan had noticed them entrancing the room. But he showed no reaction at all. His face remained the same mask of relaxed concentration, his eyes closed.

Only when Rayek addressed the man did he open is eyes, though he didn't lift his gaze up to them immediately. To Tess it almost seemed like they had interrupted a personal meditation session of the doctor.

Senva had been meditating for three hours now. He knew this was going to be a particular tough case. Tess wasn't who he worried about. It was the Romulan. He expected tension and resistance. Even if the Ba'ku woman wouldn't need treatment he would have asked her to attend anyway, knowing the First Officer likely would find it easier to let himself in for the mind meld.

Senva glanced to Tess who as expected smiled back at him, seemingly to convey that she was at least emotional ready for this. He then looked to Rayek.

"There is something you can do to prepare", he confirmed calmly. "We will do a small meditation session beforehand that will help you to relax and to calm down." He paused as he regarded the Romulan. "I need you to try to be open for this."

He took a deep breath, consciously relaxed again and then addressed the couple. "Sit comfortably, in a position that will allow you to relax." Senva waited until that was done. "Rest your hands in your lap or on top of your knees. And now close your eyes." The doctor did so himself as he said that. He wanted to give them the assurance that he wouldn't be watching them during the meditation.  "Calm down your breathing. Slow deep breaths ..."

There was a pause until all three of them had settled and were comfortable. And then there was nothing but silence.

Into the silence Senva's voice sounded in a calm, low rumble.

"Imagine yourself standing on a rock ... in the midst of an ocean. The ocean lies still before you. Everything is absolutely calm. Feel the light breeze on your skin."

Senva paused to give them the opportunity to imagine what he told them.

"You look into the ocean. You see nothing but deep blue, rays of the sun dancing on it ... you look up into the distance and see some small white puffy clouds there."

Pause.

"Now imagine the ocean in your body. You dive down ... all the way down to the bottom and there too is nothing but calm."

Pause.

"Don't think about anything while being there. Just think of the vastness of the ocean ... the silence. But you don't only think of it. You are becoming the vastness and the calm."

Pause.

"No thoughts. Just you ... in the calmness at the bottom of the ocean ..."

A very long pause followed. Tess wasn't sure how long the whole meditation had taken in the first place. But that didn't matter. She had been able to open herself for this and now she felt so calm and relaxed that she had no doubt she would have trouble falling asleep in seconds.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr. Rayek tr'Lhoell (end of August 2397)
[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

Much to Rayek's dismay Senva confirmed that they would need to meditate prior.   It wasn't that Rayek couldn't meditate,  he just found the process a tedious waste of his time.  When needed, the Romulan felt he could center himself and his thoughts with just a deep breath or two.  He didn't need hours on end clearing his mind, like Vulcans tended to do.

Rayek had learned the process of Vulcan meditation when Alieth - an officer on the USS Challenger - had first begun teaching him the Vulcan methodology of mind-melding.  Reman had taught him to use his gift as a weapon and a tool.  Vulcan mind-melding was much deeper more spiritual.  A shared experience of emotion and memory rather than a hidden invasion into another surface thoughts or an unseen attack on their mind.

What would Dr. Senva think of the many telepathic crimes he'd committed in his past?  Would it make a difference to the Vulcan that he'd sworn to himself and to Tess to be better than that moving forward?  Why did it matter to him at all what the Vulcan thought?!  Other than perhaps he was concerned that the Vulcan doctor might judge him deserving of the painful death Pa'nar would bring.

Despite being urged to take a comfortable position Rayek remained seated on his heels.   He did however close his eyes shortly after being directed to do so, but not before glancing to Tess.  She was just as beautiful in profile as she was face-on.  Her presence beside him was all the motivation he needed to go through all this.  He'd face areinnye to be with her.

As Dr. Senva, started them through the meditation process, Rayek put aside his worried thoughts and followed the directions of the Vulcan's quiet voice.

He first pictured himself on a pinnacle of rock above a raging sea, before the Vulcan clarified that the waters were to be calm.  It took a moment for Rayek's vision to match that of the Vulcan's words.  The waters weren't completely still, but rolled gently in a soothing sway.   When the addition of the breeze was suggested, Rayek imagined it feeling like Tess' hands playing at the nape of his neck, fingers lightly tickling there.  He smiled.

Then the Vulcan bade his envision the ocean within himself.  A more difficult concept to grasp but having done similar meditations with Alieth, Rayek was able to make the transition from outward calmness to inner.  Rather than dive down, he allowed himself to sink slowly under the surface and welcomed the calmness into himself.  Touching bottom Rayek, imagined himself in the same seated on heels position and let his awareness of everything in the real world diminish - but it didn't fade out completely, like he supposed it should have.

This aspect was always the hardest for the former Tal'Shiar officer - letting his guard down, trusting that he was in a safe place to do so.  It was even harder now recognizing that he felt responsible for Tess' safety just as much if not more so than his own.

He hadn't quite managed the final level of the meditation.. but it was the most relaxed that Rayek would allow himself to be with anyone save just Tess.

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Cmdr. Tess Moreno
and
Dr. Senva - Vulcan Medical Institute

[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

The silence continued.

Tess had her eyes closed tight and she was breathing slowly and calmly. In her mind, she was still at the bottom of the ocean. She imagined the water surrounding her, protecting her - as if she was in one of Rayek's protective warm embraces.

Dr. Senva had stopped speaking quite a while ago. He wanted to give them both the opportunity to relax completely. Tess knew that she had been told not to think about anything. But now, as the silence fell, her thoughts turned to Rayek. She wondered if he was comfortable. If it was easy for him or if he struggled. But she didn't dare open her eyes or feel for him with her hand. She did not want to interrupt the meditation or distract Rayek.

Eventually, the quiet, soft voice of the Vulcan sounded. "Slowly we ascend to the surface. The silence is still with us."

"We reach the surface ... and emerge." Tess heard Dr Senva's faint inhalation. "Open your eyes."

Tess did so, slowly. Now she was glad of the dimmed light, so it didn't hurt her eyes. Her gaze went straight over to Rayek to see how he had done and to give him an encouraging smile if needed. "You okay?", she whispered, a playful curious smile on her face. She was so proud of him that he made an effort to go along with all of this.

Dr. Senva too had his eyes open now. He looked at Tess and then at Rayek to get a feeling if they were relaxed enough.

"I hope this little exercise was useful for you." Notably his gaze lingered on Rayek as he said that. "If you feel calm enough, I will now begin the treatment."

He looked from Tess to Rayek. "Which of you two would like to begin?"

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr. Rayek tr'Lhoell (end of August 2397)
[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

Relaxed though he was, Rayek maintained his awareness of his surroundings.  He could hear Tess breathing softly beside him, hear the quiet voice of the Vulcan doctor calling them back from their meditations to open their eyes.  Rayek did so, first scanning the room around in the off-chance that something threatening had approached while he was less attentive, then looked to Tess.

Rayek found her looking back at him, smiling encouragingly.  At her caring question, Rayek smiled back and nodded.  "I am good." the Romulan answered quietly.

Though not so quiet as to be unheard by the Vulcan who then stated he was ready to begin the treatment and asked 'who would like to begin?'

"I'll go first," Rayek stated, his gaze still meeting Tess' with an slightly amused smile.  They had discussed earlier exactly this question. Who would go first?

Tess had suggested for Rayek to go first, but that felt wrong to Rayek.  Tess' well-being was much more important than his own and she should do the treatment first, it was as simple as that for the Romulan.   However Tess, it seemed, felt the same way - leaving Rayek in a bit of a dilemma not dissimilar, in his mind, to the Omega-meeting incident.

They both wanted opposite things. He could try and control the situation as he had done then   but according to Miss Judy that would not be respectful of Tess' preference to have him go first.

Perhaps, he could justify it to himself that he was protecting her - making sure the treatment was 'safe'.  In that way his mnhei'sahe was intact, and Tess' preference was respected.

With the decision made and stated, Rayek turned to face Dr. Senva.  Rayek tried to project calmness as the Vulcan moved into position and laid his hands on Rayek's psionic nodes.  This was it, together they would delve into the dark abyss of his mind.  He hoped the Vulcan was prepared for this.

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Cmdr. Tess Moreno
and
Dr. Senva - Vulcan Medical Institute

[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

Tess smiled back at Rayek. Although she feared some hiccups in the road might be unavoidable, she knew Rayek would try his best. Scooting a little closer, Tess took hold of his hand. She wanted to let him know that she was there and that she would stay there the whole time during his treatment. She hoped it gave him a little more peace of mind.

Dr. Senva now positioned himself in front of Rayek and placed his fingertips on the psionic spots on Rayek's face.

The Vulcan closed his eyes and began to speak softly. "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."

He delved into Rayek's mind. Surface thoughts were most prominent at the beginning. Senva picked up a little nervousness. Love and trust was also there, directed at Dr Moreno, who was sitting next to him.

While the Mind Meld generally was an exchange of memories, thoughts and emotions, it was possible for the person who performed the Mind Meld to seal off their own mind so that the other person had no access to thoughts or feelings. In Rayek's case, Senva would have considered to give Rayek such access to make it easier for the Romulan. His own peace of mind would have fallen on Rayek. However, Senva always refrained to do that when he was doing Pan'ar treatments because he didn't want to get infected as well. Even though he had been trained to conduct Mind Melds.

The Vulcan then began to delve deeper into Rayek's memories. The last year he had been transferred to this station and had come to love Dr. Moreno. His time before that on the Challenger, Dr. Vaughan and her little daughter, his friend Lek. Senva felt the comforting satisfaction of beautiful memories, but also the pain of sad ones.

Senva penetrated deeper, realising the difficulties he had had at Starfleet Technical Academy. And there he felt something else, something that had been masked by the prevailing feelings for the Ba'ku woman next to him. But here in these memories that lay further back, Senva felt a similarly strong love, but for another woman. Senva followed this memory further, he sensed that he could find the origin of the illness here.

Suddenly he faltered. The brows above his closed eyes furrowed. He kept trying to search the memories, but he couldn't - as if he came across a white wall that was impossible for him to overcome.

Dr Senva did not stop the treatment. His fingers continued to press on the psionic areas of Rayek's face but he withdrew a little of these deeper memories.

Do not resist me, he told Rayek in his mind. Your mind is my mind. Your thoughts are my thoughts.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr. Rayek tr'Lhoell (end of August 2397)
[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

As much as he tried to project calm, Rayek was nervous.  So when Tess moved near enough to hold his hand, he gave it a squeeze in appreciation.

Then in moments, the Vulcan was there in his mind, reading through his surface thoughts.  There was no means to hide that he was a bit nervous about the treatment. However, now that it had begun, Rayek just wanted to get it over and done with.

As he 'followed' the doctor's progress down through his memories of the past year, Rayek vaguely realized that there was no sharing of Dr. Senva's own memories such had been the case with Alieth's mindmelds.  The moment his mind questioned this, an explanation was realized - much like as if the doctor has set up an automated answering machine in his mind.   The lack sharing was to protect the doctor's mind from the pa'nar.  It made sense but it didn't make Rayek feel any better about the treatment.

Deeper into his memories the Vulcan went, with Rayek trailing along feeling uncertain how deep the doctor would need to go.  But inside Rayek knew - back to the moment of infection.  In that moment, without consciously willing it, Rayek's Reman-trained mental protocols kicked in protecting the Empire sensitive memories, walling them off.   He had managed to open those memories to Tess in their first intimate meld because he trusted Tess.  Rayek had no such faith in the Vulcan doctor.

Rayek hadn't even realized that the barrier had gone up until the doctor spoke to him, telling him not to resist.   That however was easier said than done.

It took a conscious and continuous effort to dissolve the wall and bring those memories forward... Saqa7 and his infatuation with her... his belief that she was his one true love and worth every moment of frustration he felt trying to fit into Federation society... back past when he first applied to Starfleet in the desire to impress her... to the moment when he decided to leave the Empire and turn his back on his people so that he could have a future with this doctor who had stolen his heart... back further to a moment of sadness due to the death of a great Romulan, a man he was set to watch over by the Tal'Shiar to ensure he didn't give up secrets.  Months and months of reporting on the Ambassador's activities to the new chairman of the Tal'Shiar, delving into the Ambassador's mind on occasion to be certain the man was remaining loyal to the Empire... to the moment he discovered in the Ambassador's mind that the man had been mindmelding with a Vulcan hybrid.  It was this moment that Rayek had always attributed to his infection.

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Cmdr. Tess Moreno
and
Dr. Senva - Vulcan Medical Institute

[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

Patiently Dr. Senva waited until Rayek lowered the protecting wall that shielded his memories. It was a slow almost cumbersome process. But if the doctor wanted to help Rayek, he had to get to those memories.

Senva did his best to convey that patience and encouragement to Rayek to make it easier for him. Then the 'path' was clear and Senva - tentatively at first - moved on deeper into Rayek's memories. Since the Romulan had contracted Pan'ar, Senva was primarily looking for memories that involved Vulcans, assuming it must have been with a Vulcan he had infected himself. But as he drifted back to older memories and could not find traces of an infection there, he realized that he needed to be more thorough than he already was to find the exact moment of infection.

As Senva drew near to those memories that contained his time around Ambassador Kavalak there were hints of repeated psionic connection. On Senva's face, with his eyes still closed, there formed a small frown on his forehead. Even if he tried to shield his emotions, that spike of confusion might even be sensible to Rayek.

He lingered in those memories, going through every encounter with Rayek and the Ambassador ... undoubtedly he would learn about Romulan intel; it was unavoidable. To have access to this unhindered was even for Senva challenging. It gave him pause ... Romulan society, ideals and practices so very different from Vulcans ... savage. Often brutal.

He actually had to halt there for a moment to collect himself, to deal with those memories, thoughts and emotions that swamped his own mind.
When he was able to he continued to dig deeper. He focused on the mental connection Rayek have had with the ambassador ... and there he found what he had been looking for! The Ambassador had been the source of the infection for Rayek! Another Romulan. Senva had been aware that there was the possibility of psionic Romulans but that was extremely rare. This was the first case he learned from that a Romulan contracted Pan'ar from another Romulan.

Senva lingered in that memory, Rayek's first connection with Kavalak. Over and over he repeated that scene and while he did that he tried to cover it with his own calmness and healthy mind waves. It was a process that took some time and patience. During this he repeated one phrase in Rayek's mind.

My mind to your mind; my thoughts to your thoughts. My mind to you mind ...

Tess had watched the while time with bated breath. She observed both men closely. She was afraid she might discover an expression of discomfort from any of them.
So she watched attentively when a deep frown showed on Senva's face. It remained there for what felt like an eternity and Tess started to fear there was something wrong. It drove her a bit crazy that she had no idea what was going on.

The process took much time and Tess kept looking over at Rayek, worrying.

Eventually there was a change. Senva loosened his grip on the psionic  nodes on Rayek's face. As he lowered his hands he spoke so quietly that Tess almost had missed it.

"You may open your eyes now."

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr. Rayek tr'Lhoell (end of August 2397)
[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

Rayek sat rigid on his heels as the Vulcan probed deeper and deeper into his memories.  If asked Rayek could have likely pinpointed the memory of when he was affected but he wasn't asked and he didn't know if it was necessary to 'fix' everything afterwards or just that one infection point.

Rayek could sense the Vulcan's confusion as to how often his Romulan patient used his ability in the past.  At the time, Rayek had had no qualms about invading another's mind.  It was all just part of the job - the way he'd been trained to serve the Empire when his ability was discovered.

While Senva focused on interactions on Kalavak, looking for the source of infection, Rayek attempted to discreetly keep the Vulcan from probing further past that.  If he kept to only the memories after Hobus then any direct interactions against the Federation would be missed.  He could tell the Vulcan was a little overwhelmed by some of his experiences.. having to pause in his probing to regain his Vulcan equilibrium... and that was before his time at Faicol-lhui.

After a moment or two Senva continued, and it didn't take long after that for the Vulcan to find the source and Rayek had been correct, it had been the instance where Rayek had discovered that Kalavak had been 'playing Pon Farr' with one of the Vulcan aides at an ambassadorial meeting early on during their tour.

Rayek couldn't help but smirk at how much that must really bother the Vulcan.  The moment became less and less humorous when Rayek realized he had to relive that moment, over and over and over again, with the Vulcan slowly adjusting his neuroelectric impulses to align once more.

And all the while the Vulcan mantra was repeated.   My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.  With this Rayek became aware that the Vulcan had left open an access back to his Vulcan mind, yet Rayek opted to remain 'watching' over the treatment.

Rayek was all too aware of how long it took... the Vulcan unerring sense of time being shared to the Romulan along with the Vulcan's mind.  Eventually, Senva was withdrawing and Rayek was left feeling a bit solitary.  Rayek flexed his hand to be certain that Tess was still with him at that point.

He felt the man's fingertips leave his face and he was directed to open his eyes. After the dark abyss of his mind, the room by candle light seemed warm and comforting.  Rayek turned his gaze to Tess and smiled.  He'd done it!  He'd managed to allow a complete stranger in enough to get the necessary treatment.  It wasn't painful - embarrassing, no doubt.. and very private.. but Rayek knew Tess would be able to do this.  So much easier than himself.

He turned to look to the doctor and lowered his head in show of thanks and respect.  The Vulcan could have been far more judgemental and shared those accusing thoughts but Senva hadn't done any of that.  He had respected Rayek's past, and only probed where necessary.

Though he hoped it had been evident in his more recent memories, Rayek felt it important to state it plain. "I hope that you do know from all the was shared that my allegiances now are not as they once were.  Nor are my methods."

Rayek then turned to Tess again.  "I am fine now.  Clear of the Pa'nar."

He turned to Dr. Senva.  The Vulcan looked completely unfazed by what he had witnessed in his Romulan mind, though Rayek had been able to sense his shock earlier.   "Are you able continue or do you need time to re-center yourself?"

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Cmdr. Tess Moreno
and
Dr. Senva - Vulcan Medical Institute

[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

When Senva finally spoke the words that indicated the end of Rayek's treatment her eyes were on him only. To see him smile after this was everything she could ever have asked for. She squeezed his hand to emphasize the joy she felt for him apart from the big smile that was on her own face.

She listened as Rayek explained to the Vulcan that his methods were different now - undoubtedly referring to anything Senva might have seen in Rayek's mind that was not only by Federation Standard unethical.

The Vulcan doctor inclined his head slightly in acceptance of his words. Apparently he wasn't going to say anything to that. Tess assumed there probably was some exchange about it in their minds?- Tess was distracted from that notion when Rayek turned to her, stating that he was now healed from the Pan'ar.

Tess smiled at him again. "I'm so glad." She wanted to hug him but somehow Senva's presence made her hold herself back.
It wasn't clear to Tess if Senva stood up to leave because of Rayek's question or because he sensed the couple wanted a brief moment to themselves.

"I will have a brief meditation session for myself in the next room. I will return to you shortly."

"Of course, doctor", Tess said and watched the Vulcan move into the other room. As soon as he was gone Tess shifted in her position and wrapped her arms around Rayek in a happy embrace. "I'm so glad", she whispered next to his ear. She held him a moment like this before pulling back, her hands still on him though. "I'm so proud of you." She really was. "Was it okay? Or difficult for you?"

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr. Rayek tr'Lhoell
and
Dr. Senva - Vulcan Medical Institute

[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters](end of August 2397)

Rayek nodded at the Vulcan's statement, and remained seated on his heels as he watched the Dr. Senva retire into the other room.   Throughout all this Rayek had maintained his hold on Tess' hand. Yet Tess, the moment Senva shut the door to the other room, slipped her hand free; but then wrapped her arms about him happily.  His arms found their way about her waist and held her close to him until she pulled back a bit to restate how glad she was and to question if it was difficult.

"I am glad as well, e'lev.  It is a huge weight lifted knowing that it is finally gone." he stated before continuing on to answer her questions.  "Yes, it was not painful or even difficult for me a the patient.  Dr. Senva did all the 'work'... but at one point despite all our prep...  I found I was blocking him without even consciously willing it.  It's that ingrained in me.  It took quite a bit of focus to allow him past that wall."

He looked to Tess a little bit uncertain before continuing.

"While he doesn't know my full past.... since he only needed to search to the moment of my infection... he is now aware of my past with the Tal'Shiar.   It is very unsettling.  Other than yourself, only those ranked Captains or higher have been privy to this information... and he is civilian.  I am uncertain how safe this intel is with him."

While there was nothing he could do about it now, the knowledge was out there, Rayek still worried.  "If he mentions something...." Rayek frowned.  He was still dealing with the repercussions of his shoving Beja during the Wadi game earlier in the month. If the truth about his past got out - no one would ever trust him.

Rayek told Tess about these fears, not seeking her advice but just sharing with her.

A short while after they spoke the door to the adjacent room opened and Dr. Senva emerged and sat down in front of Tess hands resting calmly on his lap.  "Are you prepared?" the Vulcan asked.

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Cmdr. Tess Moreno
[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

Tess listened attentively as Rayek answered her questions. She was relieved to hear that it had not been painful for him. Though she had seen Dr. Senva seeming to pause for a long moment and Tess had been worrying about it. But Rayek now offered an explanation to that. Actually it would have surprised her if it would have gone without at least a little bit of resistance, even if he didn't consciously wanted it. Tess gave him a comforting smile. "I'm proud of you", she said with a sincere smile.

His worries about Senva knowing his involvement in the Tal'Shiar and that the Vulcan might pass that information on was met with an understanding nod. She thought it wasn't likely he would say anything but she surely could see why Rayek would worry. She wanted to tell him that it would be fine, that they would get through everything no matter what the future would hold for them. But before she could do so, Dr. Senva returned.

She gave Rayek's hand another gentle squeeze before she shifted a little on the mat so she faced the Vulcan. The whole time she thought she would be okay with this, and she was, but nonetheless she felt her pulse spiking now. She smiled nervously and then took a deep calming breath as she closed her eyes briefly.

"I am", she nodded at his question while she tried to ignore her racing heart beat.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Cmdr. Rayek tr'Lhoell
and
Dr. Senva - Vulcan Medical Institute

[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters](end of August 2397)

The return of Dr. Senva prompted Tess to squeeze his hand once more before she turned to face the Vulcan.   Rayek kept hold of her hand, giving her the same support she'd offered him.  He would stay by her side and be here for Tess should she need him.

In the same method that Vulcan used with him, Rayek watched as Dr. Senva positioned himself in front of Tess and placed his fingertips on the psionic spots on Tess' face.

The Vulcan closed his eyes and began to speak softly. "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."

Dr. Senva gently submersed himself into the woman's mind.  Her surface thoughts centered on the Romulan and this procedure.  However he noted that she was less nervous than Rayek had been.  There was less resistance to his presence as well - quite possibly due to her repeated exposure to mind melds before with Rayek.  As he moved deeper through her memories, he experienced her disappointment when the Romulan sacrificed the Klingon counselor in what was supposed to be an fun (her mental description) team-building game.  But instead, Rayek's actions had caused quite a bit of disharmony among the crew and civilians.

Senva had briefly glimpsed this incident in Rayek's mind along with a lot of guilt and shame but had merely skimmed past it having known from the progression of the pa'nar that his infection was much further back.  There was little need to search the area of the mind that held recent memories, his had been buried in the long term section of the brain.  Tess' however was likely within the year, which meant a keener search of more recent memories.

Moving further back he witnessed through Tess' memories the night when the Romulan proposed.  He moved past this quickly not keen on delving deeper into the intimate side of their relationship.   The Romulan however didn't make that easy.  And despite his best efforts to keep himself detached and clinical, Tess might be aware of his disapproval.  Melding was never intended to be a form of foreplay - even if it was to share a momentousness occasion in a relationship.

This however wasn't when she was infected so Senva moved on - gratefully so.  From her memories he picked out that she actively sought out the relationship - while the Romulan pined for the other woman... Saqa7 - the physician.  For some reason we would have thought it opposite.   Much of Tess' thoughts at this time centered on the Rayek, either conspiring with the other woman to gain the attention of the Romulan or before that trying to date another - Roberto - to drive the Romulan from her thoughts.  Amidst this there was also a trend of  drug dependence on hypnotics - sleeping pills, which she'd hidden from all.

Wondering if this was in some way due to the Romulan, Senva probed more into the memories of that time... what he found instead was the loss of a little boy and violence - so much violence, and the taking of another's life by her hand.  The Vulcan had expected such from the Romulan, but was shocked to see such in the mind of the physician.

His presence by these memories in particular drew a sense of discomfort from Tess.  Yet the infection was not from here.  He would need to press on.  But before he did, he passed on his logical review of the situation.  She'd done what logic dictated was required to survive.

He spoke inside her mind, offering belated support. 'I am no counselor, but if you need to discuss this afterwards, I will make myself available.'

[Tess tLhoell]

Lt. Cmdr. Tess Moreno
[Katra Station - Dr. Senva's quarters]

Tess had closed her eyes when Senva began his treatment. She found it easier to get herself into it. Generally Tess was open to this. Sure, the idea of someone looking right into your mind was scary, but Tess trusted Senva. Maybe the fact that he was Vulcan and would judge everything he saw with logic helped a little with that.

She smiled inwardly when they revisite the nice memories with Rayek, especially his proposal to her but was slightly embarrassed when they naturally brushed over more intimate memories - and there were a lot of them. Tess was grateful when she noticed that Senva didn't linger there, though he must assume that the melding happened at one of those occasions. Maybe he was that adept that he was able to sense or feel that a particular memory wasn't promising to look further into.

As Senva moved further back in time in her memories the memories Tess felt uncomfortable sharing increased. She hoped he might not look thoroughly enough to catch on her real intention about the flirtation with Roberto. She really wasn't proud of it. It was only testament to how much she had fallen for Rayek at that time already to make her do something like that. His search through her memories seemed to slow down around that time and sure enough it wasn't long until he got to the short term abuse of medication - something she felt uncomfortable with but she could admit to a weakness - and then the Dosi incident.

Tess mentally and even physically tensed up, her hand clutching Rayek's now, when she revisited with Senva these memories, the slaughter of the Dosi, the helplessness she had felt in sickbay, the fear to die and the strong sense of shame she felt for having killed a man. The fact that those memories still made her feel a lump in her throat and her eyes fill with tears was a sign that she had blocked out what ha transpired there instead of learning to come to terms with it.

Tess was glad when Senva paused a moment so Tess could collect herself and keep the tears from actually rolling out under her closed lids. She drew in a shaky breath and then heard him speaking to her in her mind. Right now, she didn't if she wanted it or not. So she simply said, "Thank you", without realizing she actually breathed it out aloud.

After a moment of calming down she signalled Senva that she was ready to continue.