Personal Log - Rayek tr'Lhoell (encrypted)

[Rayek trLhoell]

Personal Log of Rayek tr'Lhoell

Terran date:  Sept 23, 2394
I personally believe the keeping of a personal log to be a foolhardy practice.  Too often they become the holder of not just general recollections of accomplishments and day-to-day moods, but keepers of mistakes and secrets; secrets that can then be retrieved by others.  I know this all too well, because I for many years was one tasked with discovering and unearthing such secrets.

I am however complying with Starfleet counsellor orders and attempting to "˜keep a personal log'.  It is the counsellor's belief that I need an outlet for my underlying frustrations.

This is the start of my 2nd year at the Starfleet Technical Services Academy and I still am of the belief that I could easily instruct many of these classes but I "˜bite my tongue' and follow orders.  In that respect, Starfleet is similar to the Empire.

Terran date:  Oct 9, 2394
I received the oddest video comm call this evening from Dr. Kahn-Mountain.  She called from Earth to wish me a "Happy Thanksgiving".  She said it was an old North American celebration that has fallen into obscurity, but that her family still followed the tradition.   So I did a bit of research on the subject.

"In 1621, the Plymouth colonists and Wampanoag Indians shared an autumn harvest feast that is acknowledged as one of the first Thanksgiving celebrations in the colonies."  Given Lt Kahn-Mountains ancestry, it is not unreasonable that her family continued to observe the celebratory date.

It is encouraging for me that she continues to keep in contact despite the time apart.

TBC

[Rayek trLhoell]

PO3 Rayek
Terran date:  Oct 29, 2395

I've received my first Starfleet enlisted promotion in recognition of my efforts aboard the alien ship that first day - Petty Officer Third class.   I am looking forward to contacting Dr. Kahn-Mountain with this news once she returns from her current mission.  I have no doubt that she will be pleased with my promotion.  She has always believed in my ability to adapt to Starfleet, even when I had doubts myself.

As for the crew, their reaction to me has been lukewarm at best, and while I can't fault them for their suspicions and hesitancy to accept me fully, it does make for some less than open working conditions.  It actually reminds of the distrust found on a Rihan vessel - where others are watchful of your actions, second-guessing your motivations - except in this instance I'm the only one being watched.   Saqa7 no doubt would say I'm being paranoid but I can sense it - can hear their surface thoughts when they brush past in the hall.

Which reminds me, it has been far too long since I had access to my beta-inhibitor.  I've avoided the ships "˜fit-for-duty' medical for as long as is possible but if I don't get it done soon, I'm certain Dr. Vaughn or the new counsellor will revoke my duties.   I just don't know how to explain my "˜sudden' telepathic abilities.

Accessing a medical grade synthesizer had been much easier on planet than it is aboard a Starfleet vessel.

(OOC Post restored due to server outage - Rayek tr'Lhoell March 2021)

[Rayek trLhoell]

Personal Log entry - Stardate 71057.8

The mission to PT1-9537, the O-class planet on the edge of the Idran system, to retrieve the Leviathan station staff from their emergency submerged station in the midst of the planets hurricane season was a bit of a disaster in that the entire station staff and Challenger away teams were inexplicably transported from the collapsing station to a crash-landed and equally submerged Constitution-class starship- namely the USS Excalibur.

Our eventual rescue was only made possible due to the remarkable efforts of the engineering team, who managed to bring the over a century-year old ship to life long enough to surface her.

Overall only one life was lost. Not bad considering; but I am certain Miss Moors and Mr. Cleroux, who were present at the time, will no doubt blame themselves.   A useless sentiment but one that I think fits both their personalities.  I suspect that Dr. Maddux is aware of the incident and is particularly watchful for signs of emotional or mental issues in the two.

As to my own actions, I was called on to keep control of the uninjured staff... not an overly difficult task but one that I didn't do as well as I should have.  One officer left the muster point after my assuming control and he was severely injured.  It is still uncertain if he will make a full recovery.

Given Petty Officer Cleroux's recent avoidance of me, I suspect that one or more of my actions during this mission  - possibly the unfortunate incident with Ensign Aldin or the altercation with Lt Beckett -  has heightened the man's suspicions of me. Perhaps Cleroux thinks I  intentionally let harm come to the Lieutenant?

I will continue to attempt to speak to the Petty Officer to clear up this misunderstanding.

Personal Log entry - Stardate 71057.9
I have just been given notice of my promotion.  It appears I was mistaken on how my actions on the last mission were perceived.  I look forward to mentioning the promotion to Dr. Mountain-Khan during my next scheduled long-range comm time.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Personal Log - PO2 Rayek
Stardate 71080

The ship is stranded in the Gamma Quadrant without a warp core and of course I am at least partially to blame.

The ship had been stuck in a temporal causality loop according to the Ferengi engineer.  At first, I would only get a vague sense of deja-vu but by the end recollection of past loops became almost indistinguishable from reality to such an extent that it was overwhelming.  In several loops, I ended up attacking my cabinmate for just suggesting the idea of a time-loop.
Thankfully that didn't occur in this last loop but I did ally myself with the Ferengi engineer and stun an superior officer so that the Ferengi could eject the warpcore so we could stop the ship from exploding and time resetting.

Needless to say the Captain is furious; and though he did give both myself and the Ferengi an opportunity to speak to justify our actions, the Captain evidently doesn't trust a word I say so I have to rely on the Ferengi to back up the reasons for my action. Thankfully the lieutenant and several others on the ship confirmed the theory of the repeating time-loop for the Captain.  However, in spite that proof it would seem our actions are viewed as less than appropriate.

Currently, both Lt Lek - the Ferengi engineer, and I are confined to quarters until such time as the ship can make it to the Alpha Quadrant.  I could be here for quite some time.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Personal Log - PO2 Rayek
Stardate 71080.2

I almost forgot to mention prior to the time-loop fiasco I was sent on an away mission to Naraka Five with a half dozen others to investigate a distress signal emanating from the surface.  It ended up being a ploy by a species naming themselves Lorkiraki, to lure us to the planet so we could be their prey for some manner of hunt.

The Away Team got separated almost immediately.  I found myself with Dr. Vaughan and the new helmsman Mr. Creary.  Dr. Vaughan and I were both injured slightly during the attacks, but we managed to prevail and the aliens withdrew.   The doctor is surprisingly reckless and independent at times; quite strong willed; and yet disturbingly unprepared and dependent at others.  She is very much a mystery.

While I see many of the same qualities in her that Dr. Mountain-Kahn possesses, there is a fierceness in her that I have never seen from Saqa7.

One other notable thing about that Naraka Five mission, I think that was the first day I haven't had to concede a discussion to the doctor.  She actually let me take lead, though by that point I figured given my past experience with her I though for sure she'd try to make all the decisions, she didn't.  I don't think that has happened in any of our other conversations.

In all, I think it was a very good mission - even if nothing was really accomplished.  I felt better for having shot and stunned someone.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Personal Log -PO2 Rayek tr'Lhoell

What was supposed to be a quiet border patrol turned into an evacuation.  A Tholian research station had to be evacuated because it's nearby sun was prodded into a CME event.  How, Why and By Who is still in question but it seems Challenger will not be the ones to find that out as we have been pulled away from the Tholian border and brought to Betazed as backup security for some high level meeting.

The doctor has cleared me and my men for duty despite having had an extended duration in the Class-Y environment due to transporter issues.  In order to extract us, Grelek, my former cabinmate, was willing  to don a spacesuit and travel across the length of the ship, going through several levels of force fields to access shuttlebay where he used the shuttle's transporters to get me and my men out after nearly 2 and half hours.   While the doctor's stipulation was a max of two  90 minute periods..  she obviously did not want that time to be consecutive.   The eight of us were held in Sickbay for a couple days for observation.  Following our extraction, 2 transporter techs had to be stationed in the Shuttlebay thereafter in order to rotate the remaining security shifts.

It is fortunate that this situation did not last long.  Our Tholian guests were transported out by the arriving Tholian ships in short order.  In all the Tholian evacuees were aboard less than six hours but as I understand it there was significant stress put on the ship because of the radiation and heat.  She may be closer to retiring now than ever before. 

[Rayek trLhoell]

Personal Log of Rayek tr'Lhoell

It has been quite some time since I last put in an entry into my journal. Over a year and much has happened in that time.  Notable events included the loss of the original Challenger vessel during a Classified mission.  This mission was so sensitive that should I dare to mention it's topic even in a encrypted personal log, I'm certain the computer would make note of my infraction and automatically inform the appropriate authority.  It is somewhat telling that my current Commander is likely that authority.

Anyways this mission resulted in not only the loss of the ship but over 60 lives - many of those being in the Security/ Tactical department.  Even I was injured during the last exchange of weapons fire.  A rather serious injury that has repercussions to this day.

Since that time my control over my 'ability' has been lacking and worse yet discovered by various individuals, some of whom have been on the verge of pulling me from duty over it.  It is not an ideal situation I find myself in.  Despite this my career has seemed to flourish.  Where once I believed I was being held back because of my species, now I wonder if it has been the justification for my somewhat unorthodox promotion to Lieutenant Commander of Katra Station from Senior Chief Petty Officer of Security/Tactical on the Challenger's replacement ship, Challenger-A.  Katra Station being commanded by none other than Admiral Julia Rellek, the individual noted as the lead in the Classified mission that I cannot make mention of.  Are the two related?  It's possible.   Also of note, the station boasts not one, not two but three individuals of Romulan heritage.

I firmly believe this is not coincidence but as yet I haven't figured by whose design this is occuring, by the Admirals' or if this is beyond her as was the case with Mr. th'Zan - an Andorian 'civilian advisor' who I believe was sent to spy on the Admiral, but who has since been recalled, likely because I am onto him.

Also of note, Starfleet Medical has assigned me a new counselor following the events which happened on Katra's first day - the moving of the station across the Meridian solar system and assisting the Meridian people cross dimensions permanently - resulted in the deaths of 2 Meridian civilians.

My counselor is Miss Judith Eastman - she prefers to be called Judy, has a tendency to drink while on shift and has insisted on a return to these personal logs.  Hopefully this will suffice.  I suppose it should.

Log End.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Personal Log of Rayek tr'Lhoell

New Years Eve 2396.

I am a recording this from my rental quarters aboard the Mary Sue - a freighter vessel bound for Katra Station.  Following an incident at the end of November where I was briefly in command of a starship, Katra station's own USS Kir'Shara (yes, I honestly think the Vulcan High Command had way too much say in the naming of the Starfleet's facilities and ships here in the Gamma Quadrant), I was ordered to attend a group therapy session and an one-to-one therapy session in person with Miss Judy.

Normally, I would be denounce such sessions as being unneeded and unwanted.  However not this time. The group session was a complete waste of time. But the in-person meeting with Dr. Eastman the following day, seems to have helped somewhat.

Previous to opening up with the counselor, I had been quite troubled by not just the consequences of my actions that day but by my very thoughts - having considered sacrificing the injured Mondo to save myself.  This is all the more guilt-ridden since I truly found the Hupyrian to be an impressive individual. Smart, astute and with a common sense that is rare to find.

I have not spoken to the man since the incident.  I honestly don't know what I could say to make up for the loss of his arm, which I do feel is very much on me.

I have no doubt at some point in the next 8 weeks of therapy that I must attend, contacting Mr Nari will be a mandatory task I will have to fulfill.  For my part, I will put that task off for as long as possible.

Speaking of contacting though, I should contact Lek and Liz, that seems a much more pleasant conversation.

End log.

[Rayek trLhoell]

Title: Greetings and Salutations from Rayek tr'Lhoell
« Sent to: Mondo'li Nari on: March 10, 2019, 03:34:09 »

Feb 7, 2397

Rayek sat in front of his computer monitor and switched on it's camera and audio device, so that it could record what he was about to say.  He'd practiced this once with Dr. Eastman.  And while it had seemingly come naturally then; now with the camera recording, Rayek was hesitant.  He cleared his throat and forced himself to speak.

"Mr. Nari, first off, I want to apologize to you for not contacting you sooner.  Despite my lack of contact, I have been keeping up with your treatment progress, your promotion and even your newest assignment.

Congratulations on your promotion to Petty Officer and on your transfer to Challenger.  She is a grand ship with an remarkable crew. Notably, Lt Lek and Lt Commander Vaughan. If you haven't met either, I would recommend introducing yourself.

But I digress, in honesty, I have avoided contacting you because the topic which I must broach is difficult for me.

I need to apologize.  As the one in Command at the time of your injury, it was my responsibility to do what was best for the ship and crew to achieve the mission goals, not to allow my pride and desire for a 'big win' get the better of me.  My decisions that day to follow after the pirate vessel had consequences I hadn't anticipated - the loss of your arm and the unnecessary damage to the ship - I regret those.

While I do not deserve your forgiveness, for allowing the ship to be boarded, and for not seeing that last opponent until too late, I ask it of you anyways.  I find that your good opinion of me matters and that without it I am doubting myself and my decisions. Please accept my apology for not being a better Commanding Officer and failing both you and the Kir'Shara.  In asking for your  forgiveness I make a promise to strive to do better.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, Mr. Nari and hope that one day we will have opportunity to meet again.

Jolan-tru
Rayek tr'Lhoell."