Joined and Unjoined (Caelene Tam)

[Amynta Lianez]

Things were really starting to pick up for the counselor. More and more people were coming to see her (a few of their own will, which was extra impressive) and she was starting to feel more at home in her office. She'd managed to get a few extra throw pillows and a potted plant, so it even looked a bit less sterile.

Still, she was nervous about meeting with Caelene Tam today. Even if her story about becoming joined was out of the ordinary, it brought up some...negative feelings...from her own past. She wouldn't let that show, of course, but it certainly was going to make her more interested than usual in the client's background and feelings about the joining. She didn't know anything about all of it, not really, since she had been booted out of the process...Maybe Caelene had dealt with something similar? There was only one way to find out, and her doorbell was already ringing.

"Come in!"

[Fala Awen]

[Tam's Quarters]

Caelene turned off the display on her desktop terminal, tapping her fingers one at a time on the edge of the desk. It was time for her appointment with Amynta. Although she had been the one to suggest it, now that the time had arrived, she found herself rather nervous about the idea. Sure, the Symbiosis Commission had suggested it and she had been having difficulty integrating Milara's personality with her own, but it still made her anxious.

On the one hand, Amynta was also a Trill, so she would likely at least partly understand. The counselor wasn't Joined though. Would she be able to understand? Had she wanted to be Joined, but it didn't work out and would bring up painful memories?

Caelene stood and took a deep breath. She couldn't put it off any longer or she would be late. Out of habit, she picked up her toolkit and a PADD - best to be prepared.

[Counseling Office]

Caelene rang the doorchime and waited until she heard Amynta call out to invite her in. Tapping her index finger against her thumb in a nervous gesture, the Trill stepped forward, allowing the doors to swish open before moving inside.

From just inside, she paused and took the room in. It looked like the counselor had made an effort to make the room look more inviting - Caelene noticed some non-standard pillows and a potted plant in the room, along with a few other decorations. Glancing over at Amynta with a slightly nervous smile, she said, "Hello Counselor. I hope I'm not late."

"You'll have to excuse me; I've not really spoken with a counselor like this before. How do we start?" Caelene's grip on her toolkit tightened slightly as she awaited Amynta's instructions. She wasn't sure if she should sit or where...what to say... Where would she even begin? Perhaps her fellow Trill would clarify for her.

OFF:  Tag and I like the name of the thread

[Amynta Lianez]

 "Not to worry, you're perfectly on time, Caelene," she answered with a smile, and gestured to the couch across from her, "Please, make yourself comfortable."

She could tell from the way she hesitated that the other woman was nervous, which made sense for someone who was meeting with a counselor for the first time. It could be a bit intimidating. She'd have to start slow, and try to ease her into things as best she could, so once Caelene took a seat, she continued, "While you're here we can talk about whatever is on your mind, and go from there. Let's start with what brought you in today. Was there a specific reason you wanted to meet with me?"

She had her suspicions about what might have caused the visit--Ms. Tam's life recently had a plethora of stressors even just at a glance: from sudden joining to her recent promotion, as well as the high stakes missions they were constantly thrown into, it was no wonder she would be a bit on edge. She was curious, though, what had prompted her to consciously choose to see a counselor, where many officers would have had to be forced into it.

(Thanks! And sorry about the delayed reply.)

[Fala Awen]

[Counseling Office]

Nodding, Caelene moved over towards the couch and sat her toolkit on the floor near the end of the couch before taking a seat. As she settled in, she gently placed the PADD on the coffee table. "Thank you, Counselor. I see you've done some decorating here," Caelene noted.

She listened as Amynta explained how the session was theoretically supposed to go. It sounded simple enough, but Caelene still wasn't entirely sure where to start. Perhaps that was the point. The Trill started tapping each of her fingers against her thumb in a steady succession as she considered how to answer.

"Well, I suppose in part I'm here because the Symbiosis Commission recommended that I do so, especially since I was never able to complete the zhian'tara. The Joining was a fairly sudden event and although I took a little time off before taking my ship assignment, it wasn't very long," she explained.

Caelene ran her fingers through her ponytail before continuing, "Although, even before that I had trouble with people. Not specific people, really, just people in general. I get nervous and awkward and uncomfortable. Now, if I'm discussing something in my area of expertise or job related, I'm usually okay or mostly okay. Anything else can be a struggle though."

Flushing slightly, she offered Amynta a small apologetic smile, "My apologies. I also tend to ramble when I feel nervous. I hope some of it made sense...and of course, I can try to clarify as well."

[Amynta Lianez]

Amynta listened with interest, but didn't prompt Caelene any farther, even as she hesitated. She made a note of the lack of eye contact, finger tapping, and slight hesitation and stumbling speech. It was almost textbook behavior for anxiety, and while she sympathized with Caelene, she was also a bit happy to find a kindred spirit in the crew. She would never wish anxiety on anyone else, but it certainly helped to speak with someone who understood what she was going through--she hoped she could be that resource for her.

"No need to apologize, really. You're doing just fine, and I think I'm understanding a bit better. It sounds like you've been experiencing some social anxiety, and adding in the symbiont on top of that made things a bit more complicated, is that right? Do you feel as if that intensified the anxiety?"

In the back of her mind she was already planning a few coping strategies for Caelene, to help with her confidence, and wondering if she would be interested in an anti-anxiety medication. She'd want to check and see if she'd had any anxiety or panic attacks first, though, she didn't like to add medications unless she really thought it was necessary. Finding the right prescription was always a bit of trial and error, since each person's brain chemistry was a bit different.

[Fala Awen]

[Counseling Office]

Caelene took a deep breath and tried to calm herself as Amynta spoke. It did feel good to specifically talk about some of the things that had been troubling her. She'd never really expressed them aloud to anyone, though she imagined some of it was painfully obvious. More than once she'd dropped a stack of PADDs or knocked something over due to nerves around superior officers. Luckily that hadn't been happening quite so often.

Nodding in response, the Trill did her best to stop fidgeting quite so much, though her thumb still tapped against her leg. "Yes, I suppose it's social anxiety... I never really thought of it like that. I just know how awkward I can get around people. It's not quite as bad, as I said, if it's about something technical. I can usually explain technical issues just fine...and it's rather nice to simply concentrate on fixing things. But now, being a department head... Well, I deal a lot more with people," she explained.

When Amynta mentioned the symbiont complicating things, Caelene paused briefly as she thought about it. "Having a symbiont - particularly when I wasn't expecting it or prepared - has complicated things. I did have a little time off right after, but not long. No zhian'tara either. I don't think the anxiety increased due to that...at least not the anxiety I already had."

Her eyes moved around the room slowly as she thought about it, trying to decide how best to explain. Caelene wasn't sure if Amynta had wanted to be joined or not and she didn't want to upset the counselor with the discussion, but theoretically this is what her fellow Trill was trained for.

"I haven't felt entirely myself since the Joining. Sometimes I do, but sometimes not. It almost feels like two people are wrestling for control over me...the person I was and the person who used to be the host to Tam. I'm not usually very outgoing or adventurous, but at times I find myself acting more that way. It makes me feel like I'm losing myself...I don't know which me is...well, me, if that makes any sense," Caelene finished, looking over at Amynta.