Personal Log - Arrun Dihsar

[Arrun Dihsar]

Personal Log

So, this is a little intense. When I applied to Starfleet Academy, I honestly was unsure what to expect. I had initially thought to become a chaplain, but that seemed to run counter to what the Prophet's had told me in my vision. Even still, the studies of various alien races and cultures did interest me and I had applied toward the Sciences program. However, during my aptitude tests it seemed I tested much higher for Flight Controller. I trusted my superiors' judgement and applied to the path their metrics suggested; even though they did say I could choose to apply outside the aptitudes. My second aptitude was JAG since I had far too much understanding of Starfleet's Rules and Regulations for any cadet walking in the room.

Computer, pause, retract last sentence, resume.

Anyway, I had thought my path would lead to being a shuttle pilot for a starbase or some distant colony. I had not grown up in a traditional education structure, I knew that. Yet I passed the Academy entrance competition exam on my first try, with barely a stop along the way I suddenly found myself commissioned. That is not to say it was easy. I studied as hard as anyone, some of my professors said way too much.

So, that's fine and great. I mean, I am not the first Academy graduate to work hard and study hard for his commission. I even applied for more ambitious postings in the fleet, as my guidance counselor suggested I do during my final year. I thought maybe I would get a posting on Deep Space 9 or 10 as a shuttle pilot, or any number of postings. My first choice was the USS Athena. I had heard good things about the ship and its crew, the amazing things they had accomplished and the legacy of their senior staff. I even heard the Captain is an Admiral who commanded Task Force Ten Bravo. My guidance counselor was rather pleased with my choice, told me I was worrying too much about being over-ambitious or arrogant. If I made my posting, I made it; if not, then I would get posted somewhere else. Starfleet did not punish the ambitious.

Now, I'm sitting in a shuttle on my way to the Athena.

I was always taught that an Orb experience, when followed and meditated upon, was to listen to the wisdom of the Prophets. That heeding their advice was the path to contentment and prosperity. But, it is one thing to be taught a thing, yet another to teach others of a thing, and a galaxy apart from actually knowing a thing. I am honestly a little frightened how well my life is going right now. Is this what the Emissary went through? The Vedics? The Kai?

<> ...hey are you okay back there?

I am fine, thank you. I did not mean to alarm you.

<>...we'll be there in about 30 minutes, so relax would ya?

I need to calm down. <>

Yes, right, resume. So, what was I saying?

That's right, so now I'm on on my way to the Athena. Thankfully they are not on any sort of dire mission that needs me to scramble to my post or anything like that. From the briefing notes I was sent, it looks to be a diplomatic function with a newly encountered alien race. I am to stop by the ship to drop off my things, be in dress uniform, and beam down as soon as I can to deliever my assignment notification to Rear Admiral Lafayette in person...<>...even though regulations only require me to report in....<>...But yes, I am to show up to the function and address my first Captain, who is an Admiral in command of part of a Task Force. The only way I could be any MORE nervous is if I had to report in to the Emissary...<>...or perhaps the Kai, hmm maybe the Federation President...First Minister...<>

Oh, right, I left this running...<>...gotta stop doing that.

Computer, End Log.

[Arrun Dihsar]

Personal Log

I cannot help but be somewhat nervous about the career ahead. Since the appearance of the yellow voice in my mind, I am chilled to my core as to what it really means; how it will affect my position as an officer; and what it means regarding my place in the eyes of the Prophets. What I saw in that eternal white was, something I cannot even say aloud. It was...something that could not possibly be true. Yet, the Prophets showed it to me in a moment of great trial and danger. The Prophets never act with no reason or out of random chance. In the Emissary's recounting, they may sometimes act in strange ways to us; but to them there is always reason or rationale for what they communicate and when.

What then does it mean, this other self, this other set of eyes that peer at me from the mists? Am I truly, that? Is that what I truly am? Is it possible that I am similar to the Trill in spirit or perhaps psychically if not biologically? Or, is this all a trial of faith? None of these questions I can yet answer. For all I've read, those Bajorans who were burdened with such questions slowly lost control of themselves and their minds. In the days of the D'Jaras they would be sealed away and secluded so they could not disrupt society; both for the safety of all Bajorans and the Bajoran themselves. Since then, such cases have not been seen; given the rather spiritual and less scientific nature of that era: there are no detailed medical or scientific reports of that time either. So I have the fortune of having a rare burden that is poorly documented.

As a Starfleet Officer, I have certain obligations to be of sound mind and body to perform my duties. Certain accomodations are always made, and with the vast medical skill of the Federation: cybernetic, biotic, and chemical augmentations can make a serving officer out of near anyone with near any ailment. Currently, I am able to perform my duties, somewhat better that I was in the past; yet, what was but a small whisper of doubt is now a loud voice that calls out even the smallest danger. On the one hand, shuttle proficiency tests rarely catch me off guard; on the downside, I am constantly under stress and feeling more tired than ever after ward. I have yet to see combat action, or even performed under emergency at the helm; but, I do not know what it would do to my mind if I...sound of a deep breath in and then out...but, best not to dwell on what I do not know to be true. I passed my medical evaluation and, in my opinion, I believe I can still do my job. Yet, the voice is there and it wasn't before; how that will change my job in full I do not yet know.

Most importantly, I have to wonder what the Prophets truly think of their humble servant far from home and among distant stars. Given their superior knowledge of my past, present, and future: do they guide me because I will serve as a great instrument of their will? Or am I being guided to my righteous doom? In either case, is there anything I can even do or should do? I have faith in the Prophets, I just lack faith in myself.

Anyway, I have a long shift ahead of me today. With Lieutenant Scott's return, I am going to be seeing less bridge duty on this trip. Though, Lieutenant Ridgeline has said I have shown a talent for astrometrics and navigation. Apparently fearing the worst around every corner makes for good stellar navigation.

I will be on standby for shuttle duty, but I doubt there will be much need; according the charts we're still looking at almost a week before noteworthy planets or stellar phenomena requiring any sort of shuttle work.

I could get something from my replicator in my quarters of course, but, I have been avoiding the Mess Hall long enough.

End Log.