Light and Smoke (Closed-James)

[Ardyn Jaeger]

 [Ten-Forward]

It had been a really long day at the helm for Ardyn. It was inspection week, and she had to be on her best behavior for a visiting admiral. She could have dealt with the inspection fine on her own, but Admiral Kralten had other plans. For five whole hours, she had been badgered incessantly by the admiral, who had apparently had been a pilot once himself. It was bad enough having a backseat driver criticizing her every move, but the addition of her involuntary mental reading of this guy who had a bit too much in the way of an ego nearly drove her very close to slapping some sense in the persnickety old admiral.  Her better judgement restrained her, but not by much.

Ardyn sat down at the counter and ordered herself a glass of Synthehol. Today, she was't even caring what it was. If she could manage to forget this long day, she would.

[James A. Hawke]

[Ten-Forward]

It had been a really long day at the helm for Ardyn. It was inspection week, and she had to be on her best behavior for a visiting admiral. She could have dealt with the inspection fine on her own, but Admiral Kralten had other plans. For five whole hours, she had been badgered incessantly by the admiral, who had apparently had been a pilot once himself. It was bad enough having a backseat driver criticizing her every move, but the addition of her involuntary mental reading of this guy who had a bit too much in the way of an ego nearly drove her very close to slapping some sense in the persnickety old admiral.  Her better judgement restrained her, but not by much.

Ardyn sat down at the counter and ordered herself a glass of Synthehol. Today, she was't even caring what it was. If she could manage to forget this long day, she would.

[Ten Forward]

James felt the door behind him swished.  He entered the recreational area and looked around.  The pomp and circumstances of an inspection visit wore on the first officer.  It has been a day of coordinating brass officer and making sure that all the protocol was followed.

The Ten Forward in the Shran was a little different than the one in the Tempest it was a little more crowded and the space was slightly smaller.  He looked around the area and saw people chatting left and right.  The one thing that he liked about the Ten Forward environment it was the informality and the fact that rank did not matter anymore.  For a moment he was just James and not the executive officer.

He looked at the counter area and saw someone from his old ship.  He knew the Lieutenant that was sitting there and saw the Admiral talking to her.  She probably got a lecture on old school flying and James noticed how composed she was during the process.

He walked up next to her and asked "Is this seat taken?"

He looked at the drink and then smiled at the bartender when he ordered "Whisky, the real thing"

James grabbed the glass and raised it up "Cheers, for a long day on dealing with brass...sometimes I forget how annoying it is when you are in a state of the art vessel..."

[Ardyn Jaeger]

[Ten-Forward]

Ardyn nodded to James casually. "It's all yours. Take it." Raising her glass, she clinked it with Hawke's. "Cheers indeed, my friend. I'm taking it that you got the lowdown on the inspection too." She took a drink. "Yeah. Being on a state-of -the- art ship doesn't help us in the slightest. I think this new ship makes the Brass think that we're more responsible or something." Taking a sip of her drink, she leaned forwards. "So, what's been up with you, James?"

[James A. Hawke]

[Ten-Forward]

Ardyn nodded to James casually. "It's all yours. Take it." Raising her glass, she clinked it with Hawke's. "Cheers indeed, my friend. I'm taking it that you got the lowdown on the inspection too." She took a drink. "Yeah. Being on a state-of -the -art ship doesn't help us in the slightest. I think this new ship makes the Brass think that we're more responsible or something." Taking a sip of her drink, she leaned forwards. "So, what's been up with you, James?"

"Thanks" James responded as he took a seat next to Ardy.

James smiled as they cliked their glasses.  He took a sip of them and gently place it on the table. "You don't know half of it, being a state of the art ship with an admiral on board does not make things any easier. "

James took a sip and then continue "It's not just that they want us to be responsible, it that they just want to showcase us"  James continued.

With a small smiled James answered honestly "Pretty stressed, y'know sometimes I miss the Tempest I miss knowing who my enemy and my friends are.  Here it's a lot more gray, with Section 31 and everything, I can't tell who is an enemy or a friend.  I miss trusting everyone.  In a way war are easier, have you seen much combat?" James said and asked honestly.

He finished drinking his whiskey and said to the bar tender "Another one"

[Ardyn Jaeger]

[Ten-Forward]

"I get the same feeling too, James. With the Tzenkethi, they were actively shooting at us, and you actually knew what was going on. It was shoot or be shot at. And I didn't get much time to do that before that computer panel fried and I got knocked out of the running." She took another drink.  " Now with  S31 messing with our heads, I don't know."

Stirring her drink, she pondered a bit on James's question. "Y'know, come to think of it, I haven't really been seen much in the way of combat. The Windrunner, my first posting, we were just exploring some of the quietest parts of the Alpha Quadrant that I've ever seen. Yeah, sure there were a couple minor skirmishes that we had, but nothing too major.  It was rather boring, to be honest. What about you? I take it you've seen your fair share of combat.

[James A. Hawke]

[Ten-Forward]

"I get the same feeling too, James. With the Tzenkethi, they were actively shooting at us, and you actually knew what was going on. It was shoot or be shot at. And I didn't get much time to do that before that computer panel fried and I got knocked out of the running." She took another drink.  " Now with  S31 messing with our heads, I don't know."

Stirring her drink, she pondered a bit on James's question. "Y'know, come to think of it, I haven't really been seen much in the way of combat. The Windrunner, my first posting, we were just exploring some of the quietest parts of the Alpha Quadrant that I've ever seen. Yeah, sure there were a couple minor skirmishes that we had, but nothing too major.  It was rather boring, to be honest. What about you? I take it you've seen your fair share of combat.

[Ten-Forward]

James waited a couple of seconds until his new drink got served. He looked at the whiskey which was served neat, that meant with no ice or anything else.  Hawke grabbed the Whiskey and took another drink of him.  He listened to Jarger's comment as he reflected.

"Cheer's to that...to an enemy can we can see!"  James proposed the toast.

As he finished he started remembering everything.  The war.  Losing friends.   How things ended badly and his wife death, how he betrayed a promise and how he tried to correct the timeline.   He stood silent for a second and then said "Yeah, I was involved in the war a couple of years ago.  Trust me peaceful runs are soo much better.  There is no glory, nothing great just death and destruction, seeing your friends die and looking at names at the roster...in fact I am jealous of you"  James said as he finished drinking

He kept drinking "What happened on the Tempest was not your fault, sometimes boring is better than seeing the people you care about hurt...have you ever lost anyone dear?"  James asked

[Ardyn Jaeger]

[Ten-Forward]

Ardyn nodded at James's remarks and lifted her glass.  He wasn't telling everything, for certain. She could figure that much.  She didn't really need her Betazoid side to tell her though. It was rather evident from the look on his face that he had seen a lot more than he was really letting on to.

Ardyn closed her eyes and finished the last of her drink, perhaps more to conceal the painful memories than anything else. Setting her glass down, she turned to James. "Yeah, I have, actually." Sighing, she ordered another drink.

"My dad got killed on police duty when I was 16. That's when I joined the racing circuits. It became kind of a way to numb the pain, I guess, by just focusing on my ship and forgetting the rest of the world for a while. That's where I met my co-pilot, Trevor. We were a pretty good team." She said with a slight tone of regret.

[James A. Hawke]

[Ten-Forward]

Ardyn nodded at James's remarks and lifted her glass.  He wasn't telling everything, for certain. She could figure that much.  She didn't really need her Betazoid side to tell her though. It was rather evident from the look on his face that he had seen a lot more than he was really letting on to.

Ardyn closed her eyes and finished the last of her drink, perhaps more to conceal the painful memories than anything else. Setting her glass down, she turned to James. "Yeah, I have, actually." Sighing, she ordered another drink.

"My dad got killed on police duty when I was 16. That's when I joined the racing circuits. It became kind of a way to numb the pain, I guess, by just focusing on my ship and forgetting the rest of the world for a while. That's where I met my co-pilot, Trevor. We were a pretty good team." She said with a slight tone of regret.

James drank another drink and set it down.  He heard Ardy's story.  He felt bad for her.  He could imagine the plain of losing a parent and a cop in the line of duty.  The effect that it would have on her as a child, James looked at her in silence for a second.

He understood the pain of not having a parent around, but he imagined that Ardy's pain was even greater than himself.  James attempted to placed his hand into her shoulder and responded with a saddened tone of voice "I'm sorry to hear that, did they ever catch the guy?"

He waited until her drink was served.  He grabbed the glass and said "You know what, you are a pretty damn good pilot one of the best, I've seen.  I never heard about Trevor.  What happened to him? "  James with some trepidation in his voice.
"It's non of my business, if you don't want to talk about it..that's ok"  James said

He was trying to be compassionate and supporting her.  He looked at her brown eyes, trying to be compassionate and understanding.  He was prepared to change the topic if need to.

[Ardyn Jaeger]

[Ten-Forward]

It's all right, James. Not many people want to listen, so it's nice to have someone to talk to."

She felt James's hand on her shoulder. It was an oddly comforting feeling to her.
"Yeah.  They did catch the guy who killed my dad.  He's spending at least 20 years to life in prison for what he did, along with some of his other crimes. I sometimes wish his sentence was longer, but most of my hard feelings towards him are gone.

The barkeep slid over another glass. Stirring it, she subconsciously began tracing the chain of her necklace

"Trevor Nakamura was my co-pilot for about three years. He was killed in an accident while racing . We were turning a tight curve when an engine flap apparently malfunctioned and sent the shuttle out of control.  We hit a barrier. He was killed on impact." Taking another swig of her drink, Ardyn sighed. Even almost six years later, she still felt a pang of guilt. She was the one who convinced him to do that race with her, and he was the one who paid the price for that. "You would have liked him, James."  Whatever she was drinking was starting to get to her, making her feel slightly euphoric. Changing the subject, she asked; "So what about you, my friend?"

[James A. Hawke]

[Ten-Forward]

"Trevor Nakamura was my co-pilot for about three years. He was killed in an accident while racing . We were turning a tight curve when an engine flap apparently malfunctioned and sent the shuttle out of control.  We hit a barrier. He was killed on impact." Taking another swig of her drink, Ardyn sighed. Even almost six years later, she still felt a pang of guilt. She was the one who convinced him to do that race with her, and he was the one who paid the price for that. "You would have liked him, James."  Whatever she was drinking was starting to get to her, making her feel slightly euphoric. Changing the subject, she asked; "So what about you, my friend?"

As he finished placing his arm around her, James looked at his drink.  As he finished his second drink, he remained looking at the drink and retreated his arm.  He touched the drink with both hand and said nothing.

Hawke focused on listening to Ardy's word.  It seemed like the man responsible for her father's death was behind bars, but it was something that she will probably relive once that man was freed.   He could imagine the emotional turmoil that she will have once he is released.
He listed as she commented about her former race partner.
James finished another drink and start feeling the effect of the whiskey.  He requested another one.  And saw the liquid coming into his glass. He grabbed the drink and gave a small smile "I bet, I would have liked him...Ardy, it's not you fault things and accident happen.  You can't predict it, you can't change it...all we do is move forward and look into the future"

He began smiling as he took another sip "Not much Ardy...just the typical...and the worst  feeling of all, love and lost...but something tell me that you know that feeling?  Sometimes, I just wish...I could talk more, but I can't...I know I'm not making any sense, but it's been a long time since I let my guard down... I think this is the longest conversation I had about my feelings in a while"

As James finished his statement and continued drinking.  At this point, he was starting to feel a little lightheaded.

[Ardyn Jaeger]

[Ten-Forward]

Ardyn nodded. She understood how hard it was to let down those mental guards. "No, James. You actually make perfect sense. It's definitely not easy, for certain." She leaned over, and drunk a bit more from her glass. Definitely feeling the alcohol kick in, she smiled, a wry, half-grin. "Y'know. Despite everything, life's not all that bad."

[James A. Hawke]

[Ten-Forward]

Ardyn nodded. She understood how hard it was to let down those mental guards. "No, James. You actually make perfect sense. It's definitely not easy, for certain." She leaned over, and drunk a bit more from her glass. Definitely feeling the alcohol kick in, she smiled, a wry, half-grin. "Y'know. Despite everything, life's not all that bad."

[Ten-Forward]

James looked at Ardyn as he learned over.  He observed her blond hair move slightly  and she approached him.  She permitted her to learn lean and make contact with his shoulder.  Normally, Hawke would know that it would raise eyebrows from other crewmembers and shipmates.   He felt her shoulder and noticed that she was drinking.
At same time he grabbed his drink, he finished it.  The last taste changed and he looked at the bartender.  He then said "I'll have a Gin with Real Tonic...don't worry but everything on me"  James said.  He was also picking up Ardy's drink in his allowance.  As a Executive Officer he has a bigger allowance that most of the ship including junior officers.

He brabbed another drink and being a little drunk he answered honestly

"Life, is not bad, Life can be beautiful, Life can give you joy and happiness...right now I am having a hell of a time"  James said with a smile

He then took a sip of his new drink and said continued "But at the end you are scared of getting hurt...and I find it's really easy to find what's worth dying for...but finding the things that is worth living for and after is taken then some people are just looking for an excuse to die...war is easy give us a reason to die...I don't know how I have survived this long..."  James said

"Ardy, don't get close to me...I can arrange your transfer if you want...you don't want any more pain in your life...find things worth living for...not like me"  As he finished he chugged the rest of his drink.  He tried to stand up.

He felt a little wobbly and was talking to the Ardy in the middle.

[Ardyn Jaeger]

[Ten-Forward]
Ardyn sat back up, realizing she was leaning on James. She remembered that hell, both after when her dad got shot and after she woke up from the coma she had been placed in, only to hear that Trevor's funeral had been a couple days prior. By all means she probably should have been dead. But somehow she wasn't.

"Y'know. From almost dying, I've figured out that while life sometimes hurts a lot, I can't take anything for granted anymore, even the pain. " She stood up rather tipsily. Heavens forbid, she hadn't been this drunk in years. Placing her hand on James's shoulder, she focused (as much as she was able to focus) on his face. "James. You're a great guy. You definitely are worth living for. I know there's a chance I might get burned. But I'm willing to take that risk. I don't have too much else to lose."

[James A. Hawke]

[Ten-Forward]
Ardyn sat back up, realizing she was leaning on James. She remembered that hell, both after when her dad got shot and after she woke up from the coma she had been placed in, only to hear that Trevor's funeral had been a couple days prior. By all means she probably should have been dead. But somehow she wasn't.

"Y'know. From almost dying, I've figured out that while life sometimes hurts a lot, I can't take anything for granted anymore, even the pain. " She stood up rather tipsily. Heavens forbid, she hadn't been this drunk in years. Placing her hand on James's shoulder, she focused (as much as she was able to focus) on his face. "James. You're a great guy. You definitely are worth living for. I know there's a chance I might get burned. But I'm willing to take that risk. I don't have too much else to lose."

[Ten-Forward]

James noticed that Ardy was standing a little awkwardly.  He tried to follow suit and stand up quickly, but his legs were a little wobbly.   His balance was slightly off and he attempted to hold on onto the bar to regain his balance.  "Whoa..." he said.

He turned around and looked at the blonde woman.  Actually he saw three of them, but he learned  when drunk to always talk to the one in the middle.  James figured he was pretty drunk or the alternative was that Ardy obtained the superpower to multiply herself.

As he looked at her brown eyes, he gently felt her touch in his shoulder.       He heard  her statement, he reacted by smiling.   He stood silent for a second in real time but from his perspective it took an eternity.  He took a deep breath and wondered his response.

There was soo much she did not know about him.  About his family, his past.  James' eyes were revealing that he wanted to say a lot, but he could not. "Ardy..."  James responded speaking softly

James then attempted to touch her hand and hold it gently

"I'm not great guy...I've have let people down, I've failed more than you can imagine...you on the other hand have a lot to live for, you have your entire carrier ahead of you, yeah bad things happened but you can overcome it, you have the bright future"  James said

"I think...were both drunk..."  James said as he closed his eyes

"You don't need to walk all the day to the Junior Officer Quarter's and...worry about waking or bothering your roommate which I don't know who she is...my quarter's are  bigger and you don't need to worry about bothering your roommate until tomorrow "  James said

As he opened his eyes he leaned backwards and said "whoa....sorry you are seeing me in this state"

[Ardyn Jaeger]

[Ten-Forward]

She felt his hand touch hers and smiled. Most of her Betazoid abilities had been quieted for once by the alcohol, but she still felt like he had a lot more to say.
"Yeah... We are definitely both drunk...But that sounds really nice right now... " She definitely did not want to head all the way down to her room down on level 3. Her roommate T'Nia already was not a fan of the  late night shift times when Ardyn was out testing the shuttles. And Ardyn didn't want to get in another argument about whether getting drunk was illogical.  "It's all ok, James. I'm sorry you have to see me in this state. I'm not the... most there either."