Down on the Farm (Closed)

[Malcolm Adeyemi]

[Harmony]

"Cow...tipping?" Oddly enough, Mahak was familiar with it. Crewman White back on the Discovery was a big, rawboned country girl who came from a part of earth that still indulged in the practice. The Vulcan had once spent a night shift with the big human, who shared the finer points of cow tipping.

"I am afraid we cannot go cow tipping, as there are no cows on Harmony and the practice is barbaric." Mahak reasoned. "However, we could go to town. It's a commercial spaceport where the farmers sell their crops to offworlders or ship them. And today happens to be a market day. You might even be able to acquire some refreshment from an offworlder."

Mahak was no psychiatrist, but he had a feeling that what Reyes needed right now was a big drink.

[Kali Reyes]

"Mhmmm. Cow tipping, tractor races, make out point? Surely you've got at least one of those." New Canton had been barely a year old and they already had all the social basics of farm life under their belts.

His suggestion piqued her interest. "Please," she begged. "A memory relapse would be great." Lots of drinking, maybe some dancing.

[Malcolm Adeyemi]

[Harmony - Market Town]

Mahak put one hand on the tailgate of the crop hauler and vaulted over the edge with the easy skill of a man used to moving quickly. His boots landed solidly on the stony dirt, sending up little puffs of dust.

"Thank you," He called briefly to the driver, who raised his hat in reply. Mahak helped Reyes off of the vehicle.

Market day was here, and temporary stalls were set up in precise, logical rows. What little vegetables Harmony could grow were weedy and unimpressive, but the farmers hung them or laid them out in bins just the same. The goods were mostly dairy related, however: cheeses, milk, curds, mashes of whey and water. There were also stalls for clothing and secondhand farming equipment, all of it manned by Vulcans.

Far off, the more foreign part of the bazaar could be seen: here more temporary stalls of wood or cloth were set up, with vendors hawking what they could to offworlders. There weren't many permanent alien residents to Harmony, mostly humans, but they were the ones who dealt in meat or alcohol.

"Where should we browse first, Kali?" Mahak wanted to know.

[Kali Reyes]

[Market Town]

Joffrey was beamed off-planet, which probably made him the first of his kind jettison into space. It was quite a feat if his pig-cat species even had the brain power to understand. Kali thought about giving him a Starfleet welcome - like a pin or something.

Her thoughts shook free when they stopped. She would have tripped from incoordination off the tailgate if Mahak didn't help her off, but when she staggered back up in her heels, she was completely distracted by all the stalls.

She whistled lowly. "Fancy. Let's find their best moonshine!" And she seriously meant that when she tugged him along to one of the stalls with bottles. She was either going to be impressed or disappointed if it was all incense, but thankfully the sample cups proved all of it was consumable.

"Plum wine," Kali read the label aloud. The sample wine in the cup was a very inviting shade of reddish-purple. "Sounds delicious. Hey babe, do your parents drink?"

[Malcolm Adeyemi]

[Market]

"I am afraid Crewman White's down home lessons did not extend to alcohol," Mahak confessed. "However, if you mean illicit spirits, I would highly recommend against it. Blindness, brain swelling, and poisoning can occur from the ingestion of unregulated alcohol."

"Don't listen to him, little lady," drawled a passing human farmer brightly. "Go down to Kuloth's and ask him for a rub down. He'll know what it means."

"I know this Kuloth. He is a half Klingon farmhand whose mother was from here. I do not recommend sampling his wares." While Mahak's mouth knew the words, his feet and brain knew Reyes's answer. They were already walking to the stall.

"My mother does indulge on occasion, like some Vulcans," He said. "However, Avarin is, as you humans say, dead-set against alcohol. I do not believe he has ever drank it in his life. Now, shall we go ask this Klingon for a rub down?"

[Kali Reyes]

"Well, now we've gotten to the root of the problem. Your dad's never tasted the sweet nectar of life," Kali said before taking a swig of the plum wine. "No wonder his attitude is so shoddy. Alcohol's a universal thing in this galaxy and it'd do well to loosen that stick up his bum."

She thought that maybe she could give them some kind of 'my condolences, but thanks for your son' gift. It was plenty awkward that they had left while Mahak's mother ordered them to sleep in separate areas for the night. Either his father dropped the ball about that later, or she was going to wake up and find her son, his guest, and their new pet vermin gone.

Kali bought the plum wine and then considered buying a whole case for the bridge crew as a kind of semi-annual gift for putting up with her. Feeling generous, she decided to order two cases anyways and almost snorted from Mahak's innocent question. "You really don't want to know what I'm thinking about right now." Rub down a Klingon - she cracked herself up at the image.

[Malcolm Adeyemi]

[Harmony]

"It is something illogical and scandalous, I am sure." Mahak said lightly. "This Kuloth has a reputation for quality, among alcohol connoisseurs. That plum wine you bought is from offworld, I hate to say. But the humans and other aliens on Harmony swear by Kuloth."

They weren't long in finding the Klingon in question. Kuloth was half Vulcan, and his ears did have the trademark point to them, but that is where the resemblance ended. His Klingon father had endowed his son with the dominant features that would show for many generations. Kuloth's forehead crest was mightly, his jaw strong and square, and he had a warrior's cast to his body and tone. When he saw Mahak approaching the vendor sang out with a tone meant to rattle bulkheads and frighten enemies.

"By the hair of Kahless, MAHAK!" Kuloth roared, slapping the Vulcan on the arm in a jocular way. "I haven't seen you for many a year. And never with such beautiful company."

"Thank you," Mahak replied blandly. "This is Chief Kali Reyes, of Starfleet. And she has a request to make of you."

[Kali Reyes]

Quality liquor? It sounded expensive and intriguing. Kali grabbed another sample of the plum wine before going on the hunt for this Klingon alcohol vendor. She wasn't surprised to find the burly alien in all of his Qo'no's finest - aside from the pointed ears, of course.

She wished she had pointed ears. Kuloth and Mahak exchanged pleasantries, much to her surprise, or maybe the alcohol was already starting to take effect.

"Hooch," Kali told them eloquently. "Hoooooch."

Kuloth seemed to tease her now, his fingers stroking his strong chin. "My universal translator isn't picking up the term, Chief Kali Reyes."

"White whiskey," she bleated. "Corn liquor, homebrew-" Kuloth interrupted her with a full, raucous belly laugh.

"You I like," he said and gestured them over. "It's extremely fortuitous for you the law regarding illicit alcohol in colonial areas are lax. Many a big-eared rat try to make a profit off of it with mixed results. Ferment is key - and they have little patience for time."

They followed him to the back of his store with little security to his private stock than a curtain, but hey, she supposed being a Klingon was enough security. She tried to sort through his small talk in her head. "Ferengi can't make hooch?"

"They certainly try!" Kuloth rumbled with a bark of laughter. "But there is more to brewing than just profit! Without care and devotion to the almighty keg, you will have little more than watered down wine or starship coolant!"

Kali admired the Klingon's enthusiasm for liquor, but she wasn't surprised. If there were any other species driven to pride in their work, it was practically a Klingon - even a half one. 

[Malcolm Adeyemi]

[Harmony]

Kuloth had found in Reyes a kindred spirit. Mahak, in contrast, was hanging back, not taking part. He appreciated someone who did their job and did it well, but he was not enthusiastic about alcohol like Reyes was.

"This, friends," Kuloth said, pulling an elegant bottle from a shelf, "Is a mixture of Klingon firewine, bloodwine, with special spices. It's a common one on Q'onoS, but I am told by some human friends that it reminds them of cinnamon. One thing is for sure, it'll knock you on your ass. Take a swig, Mahak?"

"I have no desire to be knocked onto my posterior at this time," The Vulcan replied from his spot in the corner.

"Ha! A real man would share the bottle with you, but these Vulcans are more brains than balls." Kuloth must have seen the curious look that Mahak shot him. "Oh, I'm sure you've got it where it counts, but you need to enjoy things in like. Your friend certainly seems like she does. You'll try some, Chief?"

[Kali Reyes]

"Yum! Cinnamon!" Kali made a grabby motion with her fingers like a child. It brought out a hearty chuckle from Kuloth and handed it to her. She dragged it against her cheek like she coveted it. Klingon ale was an experience just breathing it in, let alone drinking it.

"Ha! A real man would share the bottle with you, but these Vulcans are more brains than balls." Kuloth must have seen the curious look that Mahak shot him. "Oh, I'm sure you've got it where it counts, but you need to enjoy things in like. Your friend certainly seems like she does. You'll try some, Chief?"

Her silent praises and care for the bottle was duly interrupted by Kuloth's banter. "I'm a real man," she teased in agreement. "And balls." Both of which were technically true - no one asked where the prerequisite balls were supposed to be housed.

Kuloth guffawed and gestured her as to say 'I told you so' and then pull out a couple of giant mugs that Kali suspiciously believed were shot glasses for Klingons. He took the bottle from her and started pouring. She really hoped Kuloth wasn't just blowing smoke up their asses - the buzzing in her head was kind of throwing off her mellow, which had kept at it ever since she touched down on the planet.

"A shot a day, keeps the Denobulans away," Kuloth said in toast.

Kali raised her 'shot glass', which took both of her hands to do. "Amen." The drink was spicy, too much for the minty sensation going down her throat. And took until it hit her belly for her to literally careen back into a blissfully empty shelf and laughed. "Holy hell, you've got to try some of this, Mahak! It'll put hair on your chest!"

[Malcolm Adeyemi]

[Harmony]

"I will take a sip of yours." Mahak accepted the cup from Reyes and smelled.

It was like he had been punched in the face by a rampaging Andorian. Mahak blinked, turned the cup away and coughed so mightily that tears rolled down his cheeks. He very nearly as knocked on his ass without even drinking it.

"I do not...hack! hack!...believe that...hack!...this beverage is fit for consump-hack!-tion by humanoids."

[Kali Reyes]

"Lightweight," she told him fondly, all the while rubbing at his back. She's seen Klingon children that can put this stuff away, but she dared not drop his ego a peg saying that aloud. Kuloth could only laugh into his already second round of cinnamon monstrosity.

Though to be fair, Kali wasn't sure if she could down the tank herself, which was pretty annoying. All this abstaining really ruined her cast-iron liver. She handed Mahak the plum wine instead, which was really the equivalent of juice in comparison. "I'll take three of those bottles," she said to Kuloth, gesturing to his bottle. One for her, one for Len, and one for Jet; maybe they can have a competition to see who had the best liver.

[Malcolm Adeyemi]

[Harmony]

Merrily, Kuloth packaged up her bottles and handed the bag to her. The Klingon hybrid was possibly even more exuberant now than he had been before.

"Ordinarily, to a beautiful offworld first time customer such as yourself, I would not think of charging, but three bottles..." Kuloth trailed off.

"That is an illogical business practice. You will be paid." Fumbling with the strange currency that Harmony still used, Mahak handed it over.

"Excellent!" Kuloth boomed. "And a wise decision on your part, Mahak. Keep this one around, she'll knock those hard edges off of you. Now that you've met the folks and bought some souvenirs, Chief, is your business here on Harmony concluded?"

[Kali Reyes]

She had credits, of course. Her best kept secret was the fact that she had second majority hold over her father's colonial company and plenty of inheritance to burn. It was what helped fund her tinkering and the hand-built infrastructure of her CINDERELLA program and whatever she deemed worthy of her time and effort.

But Mahak stepped in to pay and she recovered her stun by helplessly shrugging. "I'm working on it," she teased. "He's a tough cookie."

"No doubt," Kuloth demurred.

"This has been a productive day!" she told Mahak on the way out. "I might have charmed the pants out of your parents, but at least I walked away with some booze!" And that was an A+ in her book.