[Crew Quarters]
"Computer. Open personal Log. Stardate 71546.4."
Ian took a couple deep breaths, clearly in deep thought before speaking.
"Far too much has happened since my last entry. On the positive side, I was promoted to full lieutenant. However, against that, there have been three other events that were less positive. First, S'murr transferred off the Tempest. He was far and away the closest thing ta a friend I had and I miss him more than I wish ta admit.
"Second thing. Not sure if I should call this fully negative as it ended positively. Lieutenant Lucian Azurath, the former head of security has also left the ship. He however, left less voluntarily with a mandated long term stay at a facility at the order of the ship's counselor. Seems in addition ta havin' delusions of grandeur, he was havin' issues far beyond the ability of a ship in deep space ta handle. He didn't leave in restraints, but he did have an escort. I can't say I'm sorry he's gone. One has ta wonder with as many bloody tests as Starfleet academy has ta check fer mental stability that a guy like him could slip through all those safe guards.
"Speakin' of mental stability and ship's counselors, I've had my own bout of counselin' because of what occurred in the Helaspont Nebula. Cuttin' out the bulk of the details already discussed with the counselor, we engaged with the Tzenkethi in a life or death battle that we only barely won. Part of that battle forced me ta suggest and then implement the launchin' of all our shuttles and two runabouts ta supplement our firepower."
Ian took a sip of scotch and looked decidedly sad as he continued.
"Another part of havin' the embarked craft engaged, the part I've never admitted ta anyone but the ship's counselor was that by havin' the shuttles and runabouts in the fight, it forced the Tzenkethi ta split their fire. Great fer the Tempest, nae as good fer the shuttles. Five of them were destroyed, but fortunately, only one fatality. Again, fortunate fer the Tempest, nae so fortunate fer Petty Officer Hannah Kahn who was that fatality.
"As I was the one that suggested and gave the orders that led ta her death, the first person under my command ta die because of my decisions, I have taken Hannah's loss very hard. Writin' a letter of condolences ta her parents is currently the most difficult thing I have ever done. Would that I could say that, that would be the last of those letters I ever write, but, given the risk attached ta bein' in Starfleet, odds are virtually certain it will not be.
"The counselor helped me accept the idea of the 'greater good' and that it was my order fer everyone on the shuttles ta be in vacc suits that saved the nine others that had ta evacuate their ships, it is still Hannah's face that's haunted me.
"The most useful thing talkin' ta the counselor has provided was the concept of radical acceptance. What happened, happened. All the ragin' against the universe ta make it different will nae change what happened. All that does is make me unhappy, so by acceptin' Hannah's loss, I can make peace with her loss, but most importantly, even though I now accept what happened, acceptin' is not approval. She was young and should have had a hundred years ta live, love, and grow, but she will not.
"The universe is inherently unfair and nothing I can do ta make it be fair. I can only honor her sacrifice and know that without her doin' her duty ta the last full measure of devotion that a thousand other people aboard the Tempest, and thousands more aboard Starbase 621 would nae have their chances ta live, love, and grow."
Ian stopped talking and finished his scotch before continuing.
"And that will be the only glass tonight. Counselor made it clear you cannot drown yer problems cause the big ones know how ta bloody swim, so a single toast ta Hannah and tis time fer bed.
"Computer. End log."